Just trying to live my life

Back again

2011-09-01T21:32:00.000-07:00

It has been so long! I guess I find it hard to make time to write in my blog when Zach is home. I am working full-time and so is he so when we get home from work the computer is the last place I am heading. Well right now Zach is on a 6 day trip halfway across the world, so here I am!

Let's see an update...
Zach and I had a little reception to celebrate our marriage. It was wonderful to have the love and support of a community of family and friends. Sadly none of his family could make it out for the party, but they were definitely there in spirit. Also the ENTIRE party was DIY, which was awesome. It turned out amazing!

I am working a lot! I love love love my job so much. It is super rewarding. So much so that I am taking all the hours I can and working with 4 kiddos right now, possibly 5 in the near future. So exciting!

We got a new little dog! He is a tiny chihuahua named Buddy. He is pretty cute, totally attached at the hip to me. Kind of annoying but I still love him. He is a great little foot warmer though, that's definitely a plus.

I am looking to go back to school soon. I will be doing an online certification to do better at my job now, and then hopefully when we move in about a year I can get my masters degree.

We have been working really hard to live a greener lifestyle. It feels so good. I bought special soap/shampoo/cond and other products to use. We have been working towards buying local. Made much easier by an amazing farmers market in town. I just bought farm fresh eggs today! It is awesome. We also have an awesome meat farm just 3 miles from our house. All the cows are grass fed, and the chickens are free range, you can tour the farm any time of the year etc. It is great. I would love to buy a quarter cow!!!

Zach is leaving on a longer deployment coming up at the end of this month, he will miss all of the holidays which totally sucks!

Not a whole lot going on. Life is awesome. I have a lot of exciting things coming up. Friends are pregnant, getting married, and life moves on. I am enjoying living in OH now. It is a small community but it is pretty cool, fairly diverse thanks to the military community. My favorite season of fall is coming! I am looking all over pinterest at all these super cute fall styles and really looking forward to bundling up in some cute clothes.

Party Pictures!

Missing Dad, older sister Caitlin, and older brother Morgan

Blair!

Blair Left Audrey Right

I made this cake 100% DIY!

Also made my own invitations!

Awesome centerpiece flowers!

Hopefully will be writing again soon.

This is the problem...

2011-04-12T23:15:00.000-07:00

In the U.S.

I had to defriend someone on Facebook today... This was their status

"dear michelle obama: why is the new name of my favorite m&m's "peanut butter 240 calories m&m's". i'm guessing your whore ass had something to do with this. so f*ck you, michelle obama. aka barack's unusually unattractive gorilla. as in, if i was a gorilla who was addicted to crack i wouldnt sleep with you for more crack. because you would be too ugly of a gorilla."

This makes me so sad.

birth again

2011-04-11T13:58:00.000-07:00

I wonder what the correlation is between autism spectrum disorder and the way we birth our children in this country. As the rates of cesareans rise and the rates of autism do it really is an interesting thought. Also autism affects boys at a higher rate than girls, could circumcision have anything to do with it? Or the lack of mother/baby contact right after birth, instead babies are taken to a separate isolette and stimulated over and over until they cry and are suctioned unnecessarily? Spending the first 3 nights of your life in a separate room away from your mom, your first time away from her body? I wonder about these things. Also the effect of 'fake food' i.e. baby formula?

Thoughts?

Been away

2011-04-11T13:21:00.000-07:00

For a while.

So I was doing some research yesterday and I am so excited to find out that Tricare (the military healthcare) covers home births! Not that I am pregnant or will be anytime soon, but it is so exciting to know that in like 5 years that is a possibility.

In other news, I need a haircut. I have had the same hairstyle for years... Side bangs with lots of heavy layers throughout my shoulder lengthish hair. I would like to try something different but not sure what I want or how it would look. I do believe that a hair cut is not that big of a deal because hair grows back, but my husband loves my hair long, and I am kind leaning towards short.

Speaking of Zach, he is out of town right now, off somewhere in the world saving lives etc. We have no idea when he will be back, maybe in a month. What really sucks is he is going to miss his birthday, again. I wish we could celebrate together.

Life is going on here. I am trying to find a way for us to take an affordable vacation, which is harder than it seems.Thankfully I am working a lot these days (awesome!!) so really we are hoping that soon we will be able to jetset off somewhere other than Washington. Maybe somewhere warm...?

I have mixed feelings about our future move. We have no idea where we will move to, and we will likely not know for a while. One one hand I am super excited to go somewhere new and explore a new place. But on the other hand I will really miss my home, family, and all of my friends. The hardest part will be moving away from the girls, who will be TWO tomorrow!!!!! they will be almost 4 when we move and I don't want to be away from them. :( Everyone else I can talk to on the phone and keep in touch with fairly easily, but those two little munchkins will be harder to see and know.

This is life. Adventure after adventure :)

uncertainty

2011-03-09T14:31:00.000-08:00

I have a decent following on this little blog. Only a few subscribers but a lot more traffic than I would have ever imagined.

I am having difficulties writing on this blog and being open about what I want to write about because of fear of who is reading and the judgement that come out of those perspectives. Generally I am talking about my family members and friends who might not be ready to hear everything I have to say. Also the reason I started this blog was to make a space for me to let it all out, and I am finding myself having to censor so much. Tiptoeing around different subjects and keeping many thoughts to myself. Either because I don't want to let the whole world into to much of my personal life or I don't want the people in my life to be upset or affronted about what I am writing about.

So I am really considering making a new blog that is anonymous. I would not only keep this blog and update it on a more mundane basis, but I would also invite certain readers and people to read my anonymous blog. People who I know will read with no judgement and who are genuinely interested in what I am saying. Also readers who will not reveal my identity or give trackbacks using my name. I will no longer link back to my other accounts, which is sadly how a accrued so many readers, but will just carve out a little space to call my own and work from there.

If you are interested in reading in my new space please let me know so I can send you an email with my new address. Please only ask if you are serious and will not judge or use what I am writing in any way against me.

This is so not like me, I feel like I am going into hiding. The truth is that I have linked this blog up all over my twitter and facebook where I am easily searchable on Google. I am friends with in-laws, bosses, aunts, uncles, parents, siblings, co-workers, navy people, cousins etc who are all people I respect and want in those spaces but also do not want them to use what I write here as a way to judge me without looking deeper.

I need to clear up my spaces and make a clear definable line between my public life and my personal/private life, and this is the only way I see myself feeling satisfied. Thank you for understanding dear blog.

Cheers!
Hillary

My Confession

2011-02-24T20:09:00.000-08:00

I am a birth junkie.

For a long time I was ashamed to admit how much I love birth and labor and babies. Now I am not going to be ashamed. I LOVE IT! I have spent countless hours doing research on natural birth, epidurals, inductions, home birth, hospital birth, breastfeeding, placentas, cesarean sections, and so many other topics having to do with birth. One of my absolute FAVORITE blogs is Thefeministbreeder.com where Gina has an amazing platform for birth education.

I don't know what started it. As long as I could remember pregnancy has fascinated me. My old neighbor really opened my eyes to natural birth and labor when I was 14(?) maybe 15 (?) when she allowed me to witness the natural birth of her son by a midwife. It was such an incredible experience. Since then and her opening my eyes, I have been just passionate about midwives/doulas/naturalness and all that crunchy goodness and have always known that I would take that same path with my own kids.

Really it confuses me why I keep this a secret from a lot of people. Maybe because natural birth and breastfeeding and all that goes along with it is just so controversial. Even though it really shouldn't be. It is a natural process at its core. Somehow our society has made into an emergency situation. Which is totally ridiculous. I guess I am afraid of being labelled as radical about birth, but when it comes to mothers and babies and the welfare of each, I see nothing wrong with being radical about it. I wish more women who choose to get pregnant (or get pregnant accidentally) would educate themselves better about birth and pregnancy.

I am going to get off my soapbox before I say things that I shouldn't. I just wanted all of you readers to know how I feel about birth, I will probably expand more on different topics in the future. And maybe you should do some research of your own too! (thefeministbreeder is an amazing place to start)

Cheers!
Hillary

trying

2011-02-17T12:38:00.000-08:00

I told myself I would be a better blogger after the 30 day challenge... So far all I have been doing is avoiding my blog.I wouldn't necessarily say it's been avoidance. But I get on the computer for maybe 2 hours a day (which by the way is down like 8 hours from what I used to spend) and in that 2 hours catch up on the blogs I follow, facebook, twitter, and my other regular sites, and then I have to head back to work. I could make some time in there for blogging but it just doesn't seem to be a priority. I enjoy reading more than I enjoy writing, actually I detest writing. I have never been good at it or had any confidence in it. Anyway, this is my half assed attempt at an apology to my little space on the internet.

Lately I have been so busy with work. I guess not extremely busy, but it fits right into my day while Zach is at work and then we spend our evening together. Wrestling season ends this weekend, I am not sure if this is a reason to rejoice or be sad. Maybe a little bit of both. I really enjoyed coaching this year. Two of the girls I coached are going to be competing in the state tournament this weekend (yahoo!!!). I am really burnt out though. I did all of it on a volunteer basis and for about 2 months I was dedicating 5 days a week, not including travelling, to the team. It was hard. I am no really sure if I will go help out again next year. I guess time will tell.

Speaking of next year, there are going to be some huge changes for us coming up here, navy-wise. More on that later though.

I love my job. I dunno what it is but my entire life I have had this pull towards little kids, and them to me. I have always connected with the 10 and under crowd. Even when I was that age I preferred hanging out with babies to my own peers. I started babysitting when I was 11!!! That seems pretty young honestly. I have always known I wanted to have kids and also that I wanted to work with youth in some way or another. Whether that was through teaching or what, I wasn't sure. I have no clue why I went to school for a degree in French and International Studies instead of teaching. I guess I just didn't want to be a cookie cutter female college student. Oh man do I regret that. Now that I am doing ABA therapy it really has joined my love for kids and my passion for helping people. I would love to continue in this line of work. And when the time is right I am going to get my Masters Degree in a relevant field of study.

The other career path I have been considering is as a midwife. I love babies, I am passionate about natural birth, and also about breastfeeding etc. I think it would be awesome to become a midwife. The biggest problem with that is moving in the military might not be so amenable to that kind of profession. Naval hospitals probably do not hire midwives (at all?) every 4 years, and most practices wouldn't be easy to get into either. We will just have to see where life takes us.

Anyway it is almost 1 and I have had chocolate for breakfast and am still in my PJs. Time to start the day!

Cheers!

Randomness

2011-02-07T13:17:00.000-08:00

I am thankful for the break finishing my 30 day challenge gave me. I was tired of blogging everyday but last night I was about to fall asleep and realized I really wanted to blog! Hooray :) I didn't do it last night because if I had gotten up and started blogging I would have been up for 3 hours at least, catching up on my fb, blogger, and twitter feeds before I even sat to write. (just like I did today when I got off work)

Yesterday we had our neighbors over to watch the Super bowl. It was a lot of fun. And Greenbay won!!! YAY. For as much as I care about Football I choose Greenbay because my aunt is married to a notorious Packers Fan and they live in Wisconsin. So I was down with that. I didn't actually watch that much of the game as we were talking and generally just having a good time throughout most of it. I did notice that Christina messed up the National Anthem and that Fergie should never be allowed to sing live.

On Saturday I went to districts with my girls for wrestling. This was tournament 1 out of 3 on the way to the state championships. 2 of the girls got through to next weekend! They were in the same weight class too, it was really awesome and exciting. I can't wait to see them be successful next weekend!

It was pretty weird though seeing a whole tournament of all the gaggles of girls wrestling. I was not very impressed with many of them and ended up being fairly bitter for most of the day, and somewhat jealous. But that is a whole separate post. I am not sure if I will coach next year. We shall see.

Zach and I have spent less than a full day together since he got home from deployment. It really sucks but we have both been so busy it has been really hard. I am hoping soon we get to spend some quality time together.

I miss a lot of my friends down south. There are like 5 people I would really like to see!!! I can't wait to make it down to the city and see some of them!

I made an amazing recipe the other day, butternut squash pasta sauce. It was delicious!!!

My update post of randomness

Cheers!

Day 30

2011-02-02T23:12:00.000-08:00

Your favorite song.

I do not have an absolute favorite song, but if I had to choose I would say "In my life" by The Beatles. I love this song. I love the band. I just love it all. I actually would love to get some of the lyrics as a tattoo someday... some day :)

There are places I'll remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All this places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life, I've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life, I love you more

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life, I love you more
In my life-- I love you more

This was the last day of the challenge!! WHOOHOOO! :) haha. I am so excited to be done. I will not be updating everyday but I will definitely try to work on updating more often!

Cheers!
Hillary

Day 29

2011-02-02T22:59:00.000-08:00

In this past month, what have you learned?

Hmmm. Well I guess I will make you another list!

I love how I feel when I am working out.
I can be alone and be ok while Zach is on deployment.
I love my husband a lot and my life is really boring without him.
Time flies WAY too fast.
High schoolers annoy me. Especially high school girls.
I can find friends any where.
I love having smart, wonderful women surrounding me.
I miss my familia.
I am on the computer way too much. (working on this one)
I am way too obsessed with the blog/fb/twitter world.
I am addicted to trashy tv.
I enjoy cleaning.

Cheers!
Hillary

Day 28

2011-01-31T20:46:00.000-08:00

A picture of you from last year and now, how have you changed since then?

I think this was about a year ago, my mom and I

This last Christmas, my little niece Blair and I.

How have I changed in a year. Well... I got married, graduated school, moved 2 hours away from everything. IN the course of all of that I would say I haven't really changed a whole lot. I have become more hermit-like... loving to be at home more than being out. I barely ever drink. A lot of my opinions have changed, I don't (or try not to) judge people as much, I am more loving, I try to be nicer, and.... I clean a lot more than I ever have in my life.

I like who I am becoming. I am still awkward and weird and all of that which makes up me, but am fine tuning a lot of other parts of my personality.

Cheers!

Hillary

day 27

2011-01-30T20:18:00.000-08:00

Why are you doing this 30 day challenge?

Well I haven't been nourishing my blog as much as I had ever planned on. So I took the challenge to work on writing more and getting some ideas on how to update more often.

So far it's been cool, but writing every day has been challenging too.

Cheers!
Hillary

I can't sleep...

2011-01-30T01:13:00.000-08:00

It is 1 am and I am just sitting here watching mindless TV and playing "typing maniac" on Facebook. I am tired but not ready to go to bed yet. Tomorrow I have a long list of to dos, wanna hear?

1. Clean the house... vacuum, dust, vacuum, laundry, vacuum, bathrooms, laundry, vacuum, mop, vacuum again, litter box, and finish up with a round of carpet washing, oh yeah and the laundry again.

2. Bathe the dog.

3. Go to Mt Vernon with my neighbor and get Zach a welcome home gift.

4. Finish cleaning!

5. Try to get some groceries in there somewhere.

6. Try to sleep while I anxiously await my husbands arrival back home!

I can't wait for him to be home. It has been a long and short deployment. For many reasons, but we are both so so excited that it is so close to being over.

Sorry for the somewhat pointless update... I can't wait for this 30 day challenge to be over, I am burnt out!!!

Cheers!

day 26

2011-01-29T22:55:00.000-08:00

What do you think about your friends

In short I thin my friends are awesome.

The longer story, I have quite a few friends, but (outside of my family) I can count my close friends on one hand, maybe with an extra finger or two on my other hand. Those 4-7 friends know me well enough and I am comfortable enough around them to honestly say that they are AWESOME. They know my weaknesses, celebrates my strengths, love me for who I am, support me through good times and bad, and are just generally great to have in my life. I feel lucky to have some really amazing women in my life. (they are all women besides Zach).

Outside of my close-knit clan I think a lot of my friends are cool too. I just have trouble getting close to most because I am afraid of rejection and being hurt, which has happened on more than one occasion. I love the acquaintances I have. They have all touched and helped shape my life in some way, big or small and I appreciate that.

My family and Zach are completely different. Family always sticks together. We love each other fiercely and are not afraid to show it or stand up for it. No questions asked. That is probably the most secure thing in the world for me, is my family.

And if you are reading my blog, you are a new friend. Even if we have never met. I appreciate you stopping by to read, and please feel free to leave a comment and let me know who you are!!! I know there are quite a few of you around the world. :)

Cheers!
Hillary

Day 25

2011-01-28T21:25:00.000-08:00

What would you find in your bag.

Always my wallet, which has a variety of things in it including my military ID, my drivers license, my debit card, and my check book.

Keys.

Some hair ties.

Some random change.

Probably some receipts and candy wrappers.

A water bottle.

And whatever crap Zach needs me to "hold" for him, usually ends up in my purse.

Oh and right now there is a shirt I bought in there, should go get that.

Cheers!

Day 24

2011-01-27T23:30:00.001-08:00

A letter to your parents

Dear Mom and Dad,

I have so many things I would like to say to you. Some of them appropriate for my blog, some others not so much. First of all you need to know that I love you both and appreciate you so much.

Dad, you inspire me. I have always looked up to you. Your life has been a strange and foreign mystery to me for most of my life. I have always been fascinated by everything having to do with you. Morgan, Neil, your parents, New York, buildings, wolves, birds, Judaism, mysticism, the moon, stars, Kabbalah, and the 60s/70s. :) So much of you is in me, I know I act so much like mom, but many of your interests and characteristics are so deeply ingrained in me that I don't realize most of the time that I am acting just like you. The fierceness of how much you love all of us kids is so awesome. You have solely supported a family of 8, and with so much grace. I miss the days when we all lived together and you would make one of your famous concoctions, basically creating a meal out of thin air. Now that I live on my own and have to cook my own meals and provide for myself I really don't know how you did it. I wish we lived closer. I really miss our morning and evening talks, when you would just listen to everything I had to say about life, love, sports, school, and my birthdays. AH the reflections of a teenage girl. You were so supportive and always had my back. I never could tell you how much that means to me. I miss you so much, we are so far apart now and we barely talk. I wish we did more. I wish I was a better daughter and could repay you for everything you have ever done to raise me into the person I am today. I worry about you all the time, and hope you are taking care of yourself. I love you dad.

Mom, we are so much a like and we clash so much. I remember growing up it was so hard for us. Building our relationship was just so hard with our hard heads and so many other people who wanted and needed you so much. I am so glad I moved out right after high school so we could have that chance. The relationship I have with you now is so amazing. You are such a strong and independent woman. You have taught me how to stand up for what I believe in, fight for it, and not let anyone tell me I couldn't. You showed me that women CAN do anything they want, that no one should be able to tell others how to live their lives, and to stand up for those who can't defend themselves. It makes me proud to know that the activist inside of me was so influenced by my crazy mom. :) I always remember you fighting for us in a second, it used to embarrass me, but now I just wish I had let you get more involved or "let dad take care of it" a few times. You always said you were loud and in your face, but wait until dad got involved, then you wouldn't want to see the bad results. I love that you passed me your red hair. There is really nothing like a redhead. You have been there to support me, any way you could. I cannot believe you have lived through all 6 of us kids, we are all so insane! But you raised us well and were such a committed mom. In lieu of working you supported us, cheered us, and taught us on the road to becoming ourselves. I wish you took better care of yourself. From you I learned that following through with our commitments will define our character, but sometimes I wish I knew how to say no. You have a hard time with that too, there are just so many people in the world that need our help and love. Because of how you have shown me how to treat humanity I have such a great love and respect for life. Thank you mom I love you and miss you!

XOXOXOXO

Your awesomely unique daughter Hill, HillBill,

Hillary

Cheers

Day 23

2011-01-26T18:49:00.000-08:00

Something you crave for a lot.

There are a lot of things I crave so I will make you a list!
Chocolate
Travelling
My husband
Family
Babies
Pizza
Steak
Potatoes
Trash TV
A car
Money
Sleep
Animals
Internet
My bed
Human Interaction
Exercise

That is a lot of food! :)

Day 22

2011-01-25T22:41:00.000-08:00

What makes you different from everyone else.

I have been thinking about this all day... Really I have! What makes me unique? There are so many ways I could go about addressing this. My friend Laura went about this topic in a very interesting way. Her way of looking at it really intrigued me, the idea, that it is a unique combination of elements which make us different from others. I like it. But am going to try and be "unique" in how I write this post. :)

I think I have always known I was 'special' or 'different'. From a very young age my awesome dad has told us that we are smart, unique, and better than everyone around us. While I no longer think I am better than anyone (that took a long time to shake off!), I still believe deep down that I am very unique. I have a lot of unique defining characteristics and I take a lot of pride in setting myself outside of the 'norm'. I have been told on numerous occasions by bosses, teachers, friends, parents, and community members that I am a unique individual, and while I try not to let that go to my head, I have a lot of pride in myself.

What I think makes me different....

I have red hair, while not flaming red, redheads are a slowly dying breed. I love my hair.
I wrestled, and was good. Which is really cool!
I played rugby with a bunch of awesome women! And felt so tough doing it :)
I am a social liberal, which means I love people, and put them first.
I come from a family of 7 kids, which is pretty rare now but I would not trade my big family for anything!
I can speak, read, and write French 'fairly' fluently. There are A TON of people who can do this, doesn't make it any less awesome though!
I am a feminist, I believe in natural birth, breastfeeding, and being a stay at home mom. I love womyn and we need to support each other!
I have a bachelors degree, again a lot of people have these, but still it rocks!
I have a Rottwieler, Titus, who is pretty badass and when I walk down the street with him I feel pretty unique!
I have a cat who is like 25 pounds and acts like a dog, he is sweet, and he is my baby boo!
I am married into the military. Which presents a bunch of challenges, but I love my hubby!
I know how to lift weights and work out, hard! Most women don't know how to do this.
I love my family fiercely, the thought of losing any of them terrifies me almost daily.
I am extremely competitive! Add this to my red hair and you have a recipe to get me into some pretty interesting situations, but also some pretty amazing ones!
My mother was raised Catholic and my father Jewish, I consider myself Jewish by heritage, some may disagree, to you I say "I DON'T CARE!!!"
My name is Hillary, which is uncommon. My middle name is Joelle, again uncommon, my maiden name was Liebman, a very easily identified Jewish name.

Cheers!!!

A very unique, Hillary

Day 21

2011-01-24T20:46:00.000-08:00

A picture of something that makes you happy

These babies and their Mama make me extremely happy. :)

Day 20

2011-01-23T18:16:00.000-08:00

Someone you see yourself marrying or being with in the future.

Well I am already married to the person I want to be with forever! :)

Photo courtesy of Ireina Bespalov Photography

Day 19

2011-01-22T17:56:00.000-08:00

Nicknames you have and why.

Well... I haven't ever really had any that stuck. When I was little some people (my parents friends mostly) called my Hillbill (hillary+bill clinton). And Some of my closest friends and my dad get away with calling me 'Hill' but that isn't too often. That's about it as far as nicknames... Most times they just don't stick.

Cheers!

Day 18

2011-01-21T11:12:00.000-08:00

Dreams/goals/plans for the future.

Let's see...

To start paying back my loans until I start school again.

Be working towards a masters degree within 3 years.

Decide what I want my actual career path to be.

Work in a field with reliable hours so I can have a life outside of work.

Don't overextend myself.

Be more healthy in the way I eat.

Start buying more eco-friendly products and food.

Work hard in my marriage, while treating my husband as my equal partner and working towards happiness together.

Have some kidlets in like 5 years or so.

Live in the moment and take advantage of the experiences this life offers me.

Support Zach in his career choices in or out of the Navy.

Travel!

Learn how to be alone.

Smile, laugh, and be real.

Read more books and watch less trashy TV.

:)

Cheers!

Day 17

2011-01-20T14:19:00.000-08:00

Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

Hmmm the first person that comes to mind is Hillary Clinton. I would love to be able to experience her life and her job! She is so strong, and so smart, and really an amazing person, plus a woman who has made it in the political system in America. I really admire her, and would love to know what her life is like. Also what it would be like to know Bill Clinton, and all of the foreign secrets she knows... cuz I love secrets!

Cheers!

Day 16

2011-01-19T23:15:00.000-08:00

Another picture of you.

Chloe, Sarah's daughter, and me! :)

Ten Things Tuesday

2011-01-18T22:13:00.000-08:00

I just felt like updating extra tonight!

1. Zach has been calling me a few times a day and I really like it. He makes me feel very special.

2. I shouldn't have gotten so upset about him not calling, I over reacted and got all worked up. And then he called... a bunch of times! :)

3. I really love my jobs, working has been awesome.

4. Lately I feel like I have been super busy, which is good because the time passes way faster.

5. I have some really awesome neighbors who I just adore. They are so cool, and such good people. Tracy is quickly becoming a very close friend, it is nice to have that up here.

6. Working out has been awesome, I don't think I have ever been skinnier than I am now. My tummy is almost flat for the first time in my life. I am pumped up about it and the results really motivate me!

7. Today I went to Kmart with Tracy and found 2 really cute work shirts (I have to dress very professionally) for like $15! It was so nice to get something for myself!

8. I love Teen Mom! I am watching it now :)

9. I need some help figuring out how to keep my dog from eating the cat food. He has never done it before like 2 days ago and now he wont stop! It makes me some mad!!! And I can't put it up on the counter because my cat is too fat to jump up.

10. I am excited to have a home wrestling match tomorrow!!!

Cheers!

Day 15

2011-01-18T12:52:00.000-08:00

The first ten songs that come up on your ipod

1. Ding Dong Daddy - Cherry Poppin Daddies
2. Houses of the Holy - Led Zeppelin
3. Cherub Rock - Smashing Punpkins
4. D Boy makin the Freak Freak - Beastie Boys
5. Father in the Forest - Matisyahu
6. Starfukeuze - Rohff
7. The Word -The Beatles
8. Where Are You Going - Dave Mathews Band
9. Wahine 'Ilikea - Ka'au Crater Boys
10. Baby Girl - Pretty Ricky

Day 14

2011-01-17T22:39:00.001-08:00

A picture with you and your family

The Liebman clan missing the oldest sibling Morgan

Day 13

2011-01-16T19:38:00.000-08:00

An letter to someone who hurt you recently.

This is really hard. I don't really feel comfortable with this anyway so I am skipping today and will update you on other things in my life.

I have been looking up ways to 'cure' acne, because I freaking have been dealing with it (ERG), and am going to start trying some natural home remedies not only for my face but also in other areas. So starting tonight I am going to be using extra virgin olive oil (you read that correctly!) to wash my face with! It is super easy and cheap and apparently it really helps! I am going to try going "no poo" and see how it works for me. Along with that I will be trying to make this and this for around here. I figured now was a good time to try these things out while Zach is on deployment.

Speaking of Zach I have barely heard from him still.........! I got a phone call the other day during work, when I absolutely could not answer, so that kind of sucked. So I am just kind of waiting for the next one. I am trying not to think about it and am being fairly successful. I am just really anxious. I think maybe I suffer more than some other women I have met. I dunno, it is really hard for me to be apart. I am really attached to my hubby (right???) and am used to knowing whats going on. I guess for me letting go of the control in this situation is the hardest part, but I am putting my best efforts into doing that right now.

I hope ya'll had a great weekend. I am looking forward to staying busy the next few days and keeping my mind off of things. I really need to clean my house, really bad. Like top to bottom deep cleaning, which makes a great opportunity to try some new homemade cleaning products. :)

Cheers!
Hillary

Day 12

2011-01-14T23:46:00.000-08:00

How you found out about blogging and why you made one.

This is kind of interesting. When I started really getting into blogs was when Zach was on his last deployment. Before he left I spent every single weekend with him. We lived 2 hours apart and he would come down either thurs/fri/sat and stay until sun night. I saved all my weekend time (that I could get off from the horrible job) for him. When he left there was this huge whole in my week with nothing to do! I don't remember the first blog I looked at but before long I was reading through The Pioneer Woman's complete archives. Then I found so many others. I follow like 45 blogs or something like that. It is somewhat ridiculous. I know like maybe 11 of the bloggers personally, the rest I internet stalk. Every few months I will start looking for some new blogs to add to my list. I love it. Even after Zach got back I couldn't break the habit. I was so addicted. I have read archives on almost all of my absolute favorites, which is like 20 or so. That is A LOT of reading. Zach makes fun of me now for all the blogging I do/read. But I don't mind. I really enjoy it.

Somewhere along the line, I think while reading Heather's archives, I realized that I wanted to document the important things in my life. I didn't want to forget what it was like to be me now. Who I am or what I was doing. I really regret not following through with a blog while I lived in France. But now I am addicted and I want to grow my blog. Not meaning that I want a bunch of followers (although that is kinda cool!) but that I want to be able to read back in a year or two and be proud of my spot in the WWW.

If you have any blogs you love please link me! I am always up for finding more. :)

Cheers!
Hillary

A real quick shoutout

2011-01-14T23:23:00.000-08:00

I just want to link ya'll to my sister-in laws creation site on FB

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Jenn-Liebman-Creations/158287154215375?v=wall

Her stuff is super cute! Go check it out!!!!

Thanks!
Hillary

Day 11

2011-01-14T09:40:00.000-08:00

A picture of you and your friend. I am going to follow Laura's example and instead change this to a picture of your favorite restaurant/food.

Her choice is very close second to my favorite. Le Pain Quotidien is sooo yummy! Holy cow, I remember stumbling upon it in NY and being so happy!

But my first love is really Thai food. More specifically, my all-time favorite is Tom Ka Gai soup. OH YUMMY! If you ever have the chance take a risk and order this yummy, lemony, herby, chickeny soup and you will fall in love too!

Day 10

2011-01-13T11:39:00.000-08:00

Songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad.

I am not a big music person. I really enjoy listening to it, but I don't really ever listen to my Ipod and when I am on the computer I NEVER play music. The only time I really listen is in the car and the radio sucks! So I end up listening to the French radio stations instead. But it never really correlates with my mood.

If I feel like dancing around though I have a playlist on my itunes that I put on. Other than that I don't really look to music for any of these things. Usually music makes me reminisce which ends up making me sad.

Sorry to disappoint!

Cheers!
Hillary

Day 9

2011-01-12T18:15:00.001-08:00

Something you are proud of in the last few days.

Not letting Zach's deployment get me down. I am sad, for sure and lonely. But I am really working at staying upbeat and busy. Not letting my imagination get away with me or get too down.

Cheers!
Hillary

Day 8

2011-01-11T12:49:00.000-08:00

Short term goals for this month and why

This is quite appropriate for me this month. Zach left for a month (or so) long deployment. So I am all alone. So my goals this month...

To be ok with being alone. I have a problem with being lonely. I always feel like I have to have people around me or talk to people or be on the computer and be interacting. While Zach is gone I want to work on being comfortable by myself.

Keep moving. While I want to be alone I want to stay busy too. And not just be lazy in bed all day. I want to keep the house clean, keep the animals entertained, work, and spend time with a few important people in my life.

Not wish time to pass. It would be easy for me to just wish the month away until Zach comes home. As much as I want him to be here with me, I also want to enjoy everyday. Life and time are both so precious, so my goal is to appreciate both.

Work. I want to put all the effort I can into both of my new jobs. It is a precious commodity in this economy and I want my employers to appreciate me and recognize my work ethic. Not that that will change after this month, but it is the first month for both jobs, so I want to start off on the right foot.

See you all tomorrow!
Cheers!
Hillary

This is super cool

2011-01-10T12:32:00.001-08:00

http://www.splcenter.org/what-we-do

This organization is dedicated to fighting hate and promoting acceptance.

Go check it out! How awesome. I love seeing good things happening in our world.

Cheers!
Hillary

Day 7

2011-01-10T11:21:00.000-08:00

A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

Winning matches in the Tacoma Dome at State.

1st place... yeah I know my hair is ridiculous and I am wearing a 140 coat... I wrestled at 119!

This is from the first time I went to Nationals and met Dan Gable (to your left) and whoever that other guy is... ;)

I love pictures, which is why I couldn't choose just one! :)

Wrestling has by far had the biggest impact on my life. The sport shaped me into the person I am today, and was a huge part of my identity growing up. Pioneer. I was a female pioneer fighting for justice and paving the way for future generations of girls who wanted to wrestle (like the ones I coach now). It strengthened me, taught me how to work hard for what I wanted, and taught me how to be an amazing athlete. It taught me to fight to the death for what I believe (like how women should be treated equally). I had the biggest triumphs and the hardest falls. I was ridiculed, shown the worst of humanity, treated as though I was a piece of crap, and often times left in the dark, searching for ways to connect with my teammates.

I loved it. I was able to channel my anger at humanity, I found other amazing women fighting for the same things I wanted, I overcame everything I was told I would NEVER do. I showed everyone, I proved it to the 'world' and to myself that I could and I would do anything. How empowering. Even today I use many of the experiences I had during the 6 years I dedicated my life to the sport to overcome and push through challenges. I gave up my life for the sport, and I have no regrets. I would never have met many of the people who shaped me, never would have played rugby and had some of the best times of my life. And I never would have had the bragging rights that I love to have now. I was ranked 6th in the whole country for my weight class. Those are some serious bragging rights! I can coach other girls who now have WAY more opportunities than I ever had, and it feels so good.

Wrestling kept me out of drugs, alcohol, bad relationships (unless you count the sport itself lol), and a hell of a lot of trouble. It gave me something to do every day. Got me through the hell that was high school, and has been the basis for a majority of my life experiences. It is hard to imagine now that I did it all then. But I did, and I AM PROUD. :)

Cheers!
Hillary

Day 6

2011-01-09T10:47:00.000-08:00

Your favorite superhero and why.

Well I have never had a favorite super hero. So instead of being a cliche and jumping on the batman/superman/spiderman bus... I googled "the best female superhero". Because I will always go and support women when given the chance. And I cannot really choose one. Superwoman is an obvious choice but I cannot get behind her costume choices. Well any of them, the female superheroes are so scantily clad. I would love to have a female super hero who was a good role model for young impressionable girls AND boys.

In lieu of choosing a superhero, I will just tell you about one of my heroes.

My brother Morgan. He has always inspired me. For most of my life I didn't really know him or who he was. Except for the million questions I asked my dad about him, the first time I remember even meeting him was at his wedding in 2001, when I begged and begged and BEGGED my dad to let me go with him to New York City to be there. I have always looked up to my older brother. He is a rockstar! No really, he is. He lives an awesome life in Manhattan, no kids, no wife, just him and his kitty cat Pazuzu. I have looked to his experiences and crazy life as a way of guidance of ways, on how to just live life for what it is. I always miss my big brother. The last time I saw him was in 2008 when I went to NY for my 21st bday. I look forward to the next time I see my biggest brother!

Cheers!
Hillary

My question

2011-01-08T19:30:00.000-08:00

If you have a significant other and they tell you they don't like the shirt you are wearing, do you get offended or change it?

Let me know what you think.

Cheers!
Hillary

Day 5

2011-01-08T11:20:00.000-08:00

A picture of somewhere you've been to.

Grenoble, France (the Isere river) where I lived for study abroad in Fall 2007

Day 4

2011-01-07T11:07:00.000-08:00

A habit you wish you didn't have.

Hmmm.. I have a lot of bad habits. I could go the easy route and say biting my nails. But I think my worst habit is something that I find to be absolutely annoying when others do it.

Texting/using my phone throughout my real human interactions.

My phone never leaves my side. Sometimes I do that stupid thing where I am talking on my phone and freak out thinking I lost it. I know, totally dumb. I have this problem of putting my phone down. I text, answer calls, and in the process ignore or minimalize my interactions with the person/people I am actually hanging out with.

It annoys me when others do this and it annoys me when I do it!

Cheers!

Edited to add:
This is my 100th post on my blog!!! :)

Day 3

2011-01-06T20:39:00.000-08:00

A picture of you and your friends

I don't have just one so I am giving you a a few!

Sarah and I at Quadstock!

Me and Heather in Lyon

Ireina and Alexei's Wedding!

The Liebman clan back in the day... Maybe 10 years ago!

My older brother Morgan and me in 2001

Zach!

My sister Caitlin!

Iris and I!

Day 2

2011-01-05T16:41:00.000-08:00

The reason behind the name of your blog.

I really didn't know what to name my blog... So I just wrote it how it was! I was writing about living my life.

Kinda boring but there you go.

Cheers!
Hillary

Day 1

2011-01-04T12:53:00.000-08:00

recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

1. I am addicted to the internet.
2. I always know I have a conversation piece because of all my past experiences.
3. I have scars all over the left side of my head from getting hit in the head with a baseball bat when I was 5 and having my skull regrafted.
4. I have 3 brothers and 3 sisters. I am 3rd from the youngest, I suffer from serious middle child syndrome... I am kind of the middle child.
5. I wish I could save all the animals of the world.
6. I feel like I am really separate from people, really I only feel like I open up to like 2 or 3 people, everyone else gets a different version.
7. I love watching trash TV.
8. I wish I could change the world. people need to care more about others.
9. I need to care more about others.
10. I find a lot of women to be cruel and wish it wasn't this way. I want more lady-friends.
11. I wish I had redder and curly hair.
12. I am super proud of the job my husband does and even prouder that he loves his job so much.
13. that picture is of me and my sisters baby girl Blair. She is a twin. I love those two girls so fiercely! I can't stand not being closer to them!
14. I miss a lot of my old friends, who mostly don't talk to me anymore.
15. I am about to go eat some spaghetti and left-over potroast! yum!

See you tomorrow
Cheers!
Hillary

blogging challenge

2011-01-04T00:17:00.000-08:00

I stole this from my awesome friend Laura is doing this challenge and I thought I would do it along with her! Starting tomorrow for 30 days.

See you on the flipside!

day 1- recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
day 2- the meaning behind you blog name
day 3- a picture of you and your friends
day 4- a habit that you wish you didn’t have
day 5- a picture of somewhere youve been to
day 6- favorite super hero and why
day 7- a picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
day 8- short term goals for this month and why
day 9- something you're proud of in the past few days
day 10- songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad
day 11- another picture of you and your friends
day 12- how you found out about blogging and why you made one
day 13- a letter to someone who has hurt you recently
day 14- a picture of you and your family
day 15- put you ipod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play
day 16- another picture of yourself
day 17- someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
day 18- plans/dreams/goals you have
day 19- nicknames you have and why you have them
day 20- someone you see yourself marrying or being with in the future
day 21- a picture of something that makes you happy
day 22- what makes you different from everyone else
day 23- something you crave for a lot
day 24- a letter to your parents
day 25- what I would find in your bag
day 26- what do you think about your friends
day 27- why are you doing this 30 day challenge
day 28- a picture of you from last year and now, how have you changed since then?
day 29- in this past month, what have you learned
day 30- your favorite song

Leaving a decade behind

2010-12-30T18:39:00.000-08:00

I am going to do a completely clichéd post about New Years.

I only have one "New Years Resolution" and I think it will always be the same. To be a better wife, daughter, sister, aunt, niece, granddaughter, and friend. I feel like I could always improve in how I treat others and the extant and depth of my relationships. Since I am already working on being a healthier person that one didn't make the cut (not that I would stick to it anyway if I made it a resolution) but this one just feels right. I know I have a lot of improving to do in 2011 and I intend on working on it. Cheers to 2011.

Now a recap of 2010.

The best thing that happened to me was definitely getting married to Zach and moving in with him. Along with that was making it through our first deployment and seeing how much it strengthened our relationship.

The very worst thing that happened was my dad's heart attack. I have never felt such a depth of despair in my entire life. The thought of losing him was too much to bear for our whole family and it really was a big wake up call to appreciate him and realize everything he has done and does for us. I love you dad!

The most important lesson I have learned in the past year was to choose who you trust and how you rely on others. Some people will really let you down and hurt you while others will stand behind you and lift you up. This was a REALLY hard lesson but I am very happy I learned it.

The accomplishment I am most proud of is graduating from a 4 year university while working 2 very demanding jobs, playing a college sport, and dedicating almost all of my weekend to my (now) husband, and coming out alive!!!

My one do over for this year would be to change how I treated some people and how some of my relationships were negatively affected by my decisions.

I am not sure how I have changed the most in 2010. Maybe that I have really come to understand what it means to be an adult. Responsibility not only for things like bills and myself but in how my interactions affect those around me.

My biggest disappointment this year has been myself. Not in a bad way I guess. Just how

My new husband and his amazing family have brought me the most joy. They have been a blessing to me and an awesome new experience!!! I love being a Laney!

The best book I read was... umm The Thirteenth Tale. The worst? I don't know actually I liked most!
I am not really good at best and worst things!

I am thankful for everything I have going into 2011. An amazing husband who supports me and is willing to grow and change and adapt with me, who shares my dreams and supports my ambition. A family who has always stood behind me and loves me no matter what choices I make. Some amazing friends who have stuck with me through so much CRAP! 2 jobs, my animals, and a bright future.

Cheers

Let me know your dreams for the future and your recap of your year.

Friendship

2010-12-29T19:24:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking about you a lot lately. I am really sorry about how everything ended. I hope you and your little family are doing well. I just want to apologize for what happened earlier this year and also how our friendship came to a close. I don't know how to even pick up the phone to call or how to start an email. I am scared of trying to find you again. We are both so different now and everything has changed. I thought I saw you in Mukilteo this summer in your moms car, I haven't really been able to get you off my mind since then.

I have been coaching wrestling and have so many stories I want to tell you, because you are THE ONLY person who I know would understand. I want to hear about your little girl and how beautiful she is. How your mom is doing, how everything in your life is. We were friends for so long and so many times one of us would pick up the phone and move on from everything. And it just hasn't happened this time.

I am sorry. Even if we never talk or see each other again I just want you to know that. I don't even know if you read this, I hope you do. I read your blog but you haven't updated for a few months.

Christmas spirit

2010-12-19T14:25:00.000-08:00

I finally feel like it is almost Christmas. This year has been a little rough for us and we haven't really been in the spirit. We decorated and everything but something has been missing. Today I finally went shopping for some presents, and our tree looks pretty with some wrapped packages underneath! I am waiting on 2 items from amazon and I have to finish sewing my nieces dresses and then I am done.

Zach and I haven't gotten each other anything. We may just do small stockings for each other until the new year and then exchange gifts. Or we might not.

It is too bad I was unemployed so long. I am grateful that I got 2 jobs now, for sure! Especially in this economy when some people can't even find one job, I just wish I had become employed about 2 months ago. I keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason. I have my first set of training on the 26th-28th for one of my jobs. I am pretty excited to go to that and get some money that way. Then the full season for that job doesn't start until late feb/early march.

My other job is still in process. I have to do quite a bit of training as well as A LOT of paperwork. Which is cool with me. I will be working with children with autism doing what is called applied behavior analysis, or ABA therapy. I will work in homes with different kids and help them. I am super stoked and cannot wait to start my hands on training in January!

The next 3 weeks are going to be uber busy. I will try to make updates and whatnot, but it may be a bit sporadic.

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate
I hope you enjoyed Hanukkah to all who celebrated
and Happy Holidays to anyone I missed!

Cheers!

Jobs

2010-12-15T10:24:00.001-08:00

So yesterday I went form unemployed to employed and then today I got a second job! Oh how the tides have turned!!! :)

Ten Things Tuesday

2010-12-14T18:19:00.000-08:00

1. After writing that post about being frustrated Zach came home and we had a really intense talk about all of this money/job crap.

2. Then After he went back to work I got a call from a place I applied at and was offered a job!!!

3. I am really stoked and excited, there is one opportunity for training right after Christmas, and then the whole season (it's a seasonal job Feb-Nov) starts in the middle of Feb/beginning of March.

4. So yaya!

5. The next 10 days are going to be crazy. Zach and I have to go Christmas shopping still and we have so many places to go and people to see.

6. I am making these super cute dresses for my nieces for Christmas. I am really stoked to go pick out patterns and put something that cute together for them. I am planning on making them a bit big so they will still fit this summer, but they can still wear them in winter/spring with a turtleneck and tights.

7. Z and I are waiting on gifts for each other until the new year, maybe with my first paycheck I will surprise him with something awesome :)

8. I can't wait to hang out with my family. I miss everyone so much, a lot of my extended family hasn't even been able to hang out with Zach and get to know him, so our trip down south will be a great chance for everyone to get acquainted.

9. I am really praying it doesn't snow at all in the next 11 days! We would get so stuck up here, so cross your fingers for us so we can see family.

10. I am doing these awesome workouts through crossfit and I am feeling so good about myself! I can already tell that my stomach is flatter and I feel better about how my jeans fit.

Cheers!

Frustration

2010-12-14T11:16:00.000-08:00

I don't know what has been going on lately. I just feel so frustrated with everything. My lack of a job, lack of car, lack of friends, lack of family, lack of... Plenty of things! Zach and I have been on edge because, well it is Christmas time. There is so much pressure to buy buy buy buy buy!!! But we just cannot do it this year. It is rough on both of us. I would love to be able to buy everyone gifts, send gifts home to North Carolina, and buy each other gifts. In reality though, we are struggling just to make ends meet in general. I need a job so badly it is not even funny and it has become a point of contention between us.

I am used to going going going all the time until I have to drop from exhaustion. Throughout college I worked 2 jobs, took a full load of credits, balanced a sport, and a boyfriend (at the time). Now I have barely any expectations. Just being a housewife is just not doing it for me. I have wrestling (awesome) and I have been working my butt off in the gym (crossfit=awesome) but I just feel like I have no purpose. I have never been one of those people (read: women) who gets pleasure out of keeping an orderly house and home. It is just not for me. I feel a sense of accomplishment when the house is clean and I have made a great dinner (cooking is something I have learned to love) but everyday? I don't get off on that. The problem is that without a job, it is my side of the work in our household. I find this totally fair, don't get me wrong. I am not doing anything else right? Zach works really hard and I know the last thing he wants to do when he gets home is clean... But I want that excuse too!

I just feel so... Insignificant. I want to feel as though my life matters in the world. Or that I am bringing home the bacon. I want to add to our income, and feel as though I am doing my part in our lives. But finding a job out here is becoming a real problem. The job market is just, dead. It sucks.

I just have to keep my head up and keep fighting and getting my name out there. I have just been so frustrated lately and Zach has been frustrated too. I just don't know how to placate myself and my husband, so in the meantime we can not be so stressed out until I get a job... :(

Triton

2010-12-11T19:29:00.000-08:00

I am not sure what it is about this year, but a lot of animals that I have loved have been passing away.

My sister's dog, Bogie died just a few short weeks ago, suddenly and unexpectedly early, which was heartbreaking not only for her but for our whole family. Then today I got a very sad phone call from my mom. My old horse Triton was diagnosed with severe cancer and is being put down. We no longer 'own' Triton but he was my baby.

When we all (the four girls in the family and my mom) started riding it was at a barn out in Monroe. The lady who ran it was great and everything to our inexperienced and ignorant selves. She allowed us to work as indentured slaves (no kidding we all cleaned/fed/did everything around the barn like 6 days a week) in order to pay for our lessons and stuff. As time went by we learned that the way the barn was run was not very healthy for the horses. there was a high turnover rate due to excessive riding/not enough turn out/ and below par care. My sisters, my mom, and I all became very familiar with the horses and we all had favorites. There was Sailor, Royal, Charlie, Rosie, TC, Domino, Bob, Triton, and many others. Many of those horses saw their lives dwindle and pass before their eyes at the barn. Sailor and Royal were put down because of ligament and leg issues, Rosie passed from old age, Domino, TC, and Charlie all got new homes thank goodness, Bob died from a brain aneurysm, and Triton became mine.

I started riding Triton because I love challenges.I had previously owned a Morgan/Arab mare, Kona, who was a HORRIBLE B-word and we just could not get our crap together, so she was passed on to a new owner, and at the barn I had been riding Bob but he had just died, so Triton was a random choice made by the trainer, and I never went back. He was known as (one) of the hellions at the barn. He couldn't see a piece of dirt even move in the arena or he would spook and lose his mind! It was fairly ridiculous. But somehow we were just meant to be. He was fiery, I was fiery, I loved him, and he trusted me. I was one of 2 people that really ever rode him, and believe it or not, he helped me overcome a lot of my confidence issues I had suffered at the hands of Kona.

We believed that Triton's issues with spooking were completely related to the fact that he never got time in a pasture, and he was a previous race-horse, thoroughbred, so his energy was all just balled up. One day we were riding in the arena in a morning lesson, and one of the stupid barn cats decided to run under the gate and through Triton's legs. He jumped about 6 feet in the air and landed badly on his two front feet. He could barely walk, and we all thought he was going to have to be put down.

The trainer there figured he was no longer of good use to her, and a waste of space, and she didn't want to take the time to rehabilitate him. He wasn't worth it to her or anyone else there. Except for us. Immediately my mom stepped in and we bought Triton for $1. We put him up in a stall with all the comforts for a few months to let him heal, and in no time he was back out frolicking in our pasture with no signs of problems. He was so happy to have the freedom to run around.

We let Triton be for about 6 months before we started riding again. By that time I had left the old barn and found a new trainer, and Triton and I embarked on our adventures in dressage/some eventing. We had so much fun. Lynne was a great trainer and we really got Triton working to his potential. I loved that horse. Unfortunately I was forced to choose between horses and wrestling when I was in High school and I chose, wrestling. I was no longer providing the kind of care Triton required and was forced to sell him. He went to a great home and I got to see him a few times at his new barn in Monroe. I never met his owner but from everything my family says they took great care of him and he was a very happy boy.

I am glad that we saved Triton and allowed him to live out his life fat, happy, and not stuck in a stall. He was a really good boy and I will always miss him. He will forever have a special place in my heart.

Rest In Peace Triton

How to attain happiness...?

2010-12-10T22:02:00.000-08:00

I have always felt like I had to overachieve. Somehow, for the majority of my life I have thought that I was not/am not good enough. I am CONSTANTLY comparing myself to others. "I wish I had her clothes, I wish I was as happy as her, I wish I was a strong as him, I wish I was that good at french, I wish I was that good of a student." It has taken me a long long time to learn how to be comfortable in my own skin.

The problem is that I am so dang competitive. I HAVE to be the best. I think this stems from being the middle child of 7 kids. I always wanted to stand apart, be first, and get attention from my family. I compared myself to my older sister, who was ALWAYS more hip and exciting. I remember always having meltdowns because she had more friends than me and they were so cool... And she would never let me hang out with them!

This attitude of mine has gotten me into some horrible situations, with friends, family, and teams/teammates. To say I regret that is an understatement. Like I said, it has taken me YEARS to learn how to love myself. I have always overcompensated with an overly bubbly and outgoing personality. Not that this isn't me, but if I am not the greatest at everything then I always wanted people to like me, to say that I was fun, and to prefer me to others. Let me tell you, this kind of attitude leads to horrible cases of jealousy, unhealthy jealousy!

Anyways, I wouldn't say that I am there yet. I mean, I have gotten a lot better! I have come to terms with the fact that I am me and I cannot be anyone else. While I see other peoples lives and envy them for how extraordinary they seem from the outside, I have come to understand that my life is not there's and I make my own path. Somehow I have to realize that I am special too, and I don't have to go out of my way in order to prove it.

I feel like this has been affecting me lately, that I am comparing my current life to those of others, rather than just being content with what I have. An amazingly supportive husband, my animals, a wonderful home, and great family and friends. I just see other people around me who seem to be having so much... success and happiness. While here I am kind of just floating along and not appreciating what I have. Thinking "I wish I had that job, I wish my husband got today off work, I wish I could afford that car, I wish I had those clothes" It is all so freaking materialistic. I have everything I need at my disposal right in front of me in order to achieve happiness. Somehow it always escapes my grasp.

Well there you go, a little glimpse into the my daily struggle to attain happiness.

Cheers!

Honesty

2010-12-10T11:35:00.000-08:00

I find it hard to really open up and dig deep on this blog... the reason I originally started writing here. I thought that if I could write down my feelings and all the craziness that goes on in my head then maybe it would be more manageable. The problem is, I wanted an audience, one who either 1. didn't personally know me or 2. was someone I knew who I didn't mind reading my innermost thoughts. Now, I don't even know who reads this blog. I have a few ideas because of my awesome audience tracker here on blogger.

I can't seem to figure out how to proceed. There are a lot of things going on up in this head of mine, but it is fairly private? I guess... I think I would be more comfortable with sharing if my husband was more comfortable with it. Fortunately enough, he likes his privacy. I say fortunately because if he weren't this way I would probably over share even more than I do.

I have always needed to have someone to talk to. To lay out all of my emotions and problems and to just talk about them. The problem here is, that I don't want my family, friends, and all of my husbands co-workers knowing the intimate details of my life.

In my quest to keep it kind of light hearted and less personal, I have strayed off the path. I write very little and what I do write, when I go back and reread it, I want to unpublish! I am unsure of what to do here. I like my corner of the internet but feel as though it really needs a purpose. I am trying to come up with a reason to write, something that people will be interested in reading.

So my dear readers, which I know there are quite a few of you (all over the world!!) please leave me a comment. Let me know what has made you keep coming back to read, why you have stuck around, how you stumbled upon me, or what fascinates you about me. Help me out here and give me a push in the right direction.

Cheers!

Sunday stream of consciousness

2010-12-05T14:19:00.000-08:00

I am going to start working out tomorrow. I am about 15 pounds above what I would ideally like to weigh, and am not looking as good as I would like. My neighbor and I are going to start going to the gym tomorrow. I got some good crossfit workouts from a friend, I am excited to get back in shape and not feel so unfit (like when I am going up and down stairs, or playing with my nieces, or at wrestling practice...)

I got to see my family on Friday, we had a wrestling match in Monroe. It was a lot of fun, I had a great time coaching against my old teammates! It was also even better to be coaching with a school which is so open to girls wrestling/coaching and seeing the difference between us and MHS.

We have 6 girls on our team! I am so proud.:) Three of my girls are between 145 and 160 and 3 of my girls are 119 and under. It is a pretty sweet mix. They are all pretty natural at the whole wrestling thing. Two have wrestled before (one who is a BADA$$) and they will both probably go to state. I predict that we will take at least 4 of them to the Tacoma Dome this February. SUPER EXCITED!

Zach and I have all of our Christmas decorations up, which isn't a whole lot. We have a beautiful tree, some stockings, a few random snow men things, and some nice holiday candles. We really wanted to put up lights out in the front... but for some really dumb reason there are NO outlets out there. It is sad. Maybe we will get some random things up outside, we will see.

I am so stoked for Christmas though! We are hosting at our house on Christmas day! Only my sister has seen our place so I'm excited to have the family come hang out, and to cook! I haven't really decided on a menu yet though, most like Turkey and all the good sides, but I was also thinking about trying something a little different. What is your tradition for Christmas dinner? Help me out and give me some ideas!

I love December, everyone seems a little happier, and all the houses seem so warm and inviting with all the Christmas lights. I am so excited for this year and trying a few new things. Also that it is Zach and I's first Christmas together! Which, if you have any great gift ideas, send them my way!

Cheers!

Hillary

How many books on this list have you read? I have read 29

2010-11-23T14:43:00.000-08:00

Have you read more than 6 of these books? The BBC believes most people will have read only 6 of the 100 books listed here.

Instructions: Copy this into your NOTES. Bold those books you've read in their entirety, italicize the ones you started but didn't finish or read an excerpt.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen

2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien

3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte

4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling

5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee

6 The Bible

7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte

8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell

9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman

10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott

12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy

13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller

14 Complete Works of Shakespeare

15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier

16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien

17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk

18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger

19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger

20 Middlemarch - George Eliot

21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell

22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald

24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy

25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams

27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck

29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll

30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy

32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens

33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis

34 Emma -Jane Austen

35 Persuasion - Jane Austen

36 The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe - CS Lewis

37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini

38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres

39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden

40 Winnie the Pooh - A.A. Milne

41 Animal Farm - George Orwell

42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown

43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving

45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins

46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery (all of them!!!!)

47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy

48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood

49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding

50 Atonement - Ian McEwan

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel

52 Dune - Frank Herbert

53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons

54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen

55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth

56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon

57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens

58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley

59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon

60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck

62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov

63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt

64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold

65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas

66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac

67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy

68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding

69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie

70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens

72 Dracula - Bram Stoker

73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett

74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson

75 Ulysses - James Joyce

76 The Inferno - Dante

77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome

78 Germinal - Emile Zola

79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray

80 Possession - AS Byatt

81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens

82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell

83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker

84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro

85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert

86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry

87 Charlotte’s Web - E.B. White

88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom

89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad

92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery

93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks

94 Watership Down - Richard Adams

95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole

96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute

97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas

98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare

99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl

100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Ten Things Tuesday

2010-11-23T14:07:00.000-08:00

Since I seem to have nothing else to talk about.

1. Yesterday it snowed about 4 inches here in Washington. Anyone who has ever lived in the Seattle area knows that the whole city/state SHUTS DOWN when it snows. The highways were closed, there were accidents everywhere, and no one knew how to function anymore! OMG!

2. This meant that yesterday I got caught up in some serious messes. See our friend's left for vacation yesterday morning and asked us to take care of their dogs, who are 30 minutes away! In order to get to their house I have to go over Deception Pass, which is freaky scary and was also closed due to severe ice. I tried to leave at 10 am to get there before the snow got bad, it snowed about 2 inches within an hour, I had to try to go all of these back routes which all backfired! I was stuck on base for about an hour, and by the time I got back on to the main road, I just decided to go home and call our friends and ask them to call their neighbors. This plan also backfired on me. By the time I got to the turn to go to our house the hill was blockaded at the top and the bottom. So I could either go get stuck on base again and go around, possibly taking 2 hours, or park at the top of the hill and walk home. Thankfully I had my dog with me so we just decided to seize the day and take a fun walk in the snow.

3. Now the car is still at the top of the hill and I am stuck at home :(

4. My dog, Titus, LOVES the snow! It is like the best present the world could ever give him, I think if he could be a sled dog in Alaska he would be happy. Needless to say, he has been loving the weather.

5. Right now I am procrastinating on writing a French composition. I am taking a 3 credit independent study course with one of my professors and I have a short paper due every few days. I am late on this one... Trying to finish it I promise!

6. Speaking of school, SU is really annoying me right now. I went and talked to the Financial Aid office about this quarter and they offered me a grant to cover almost 70% of the tuition. They have yet to apply it to my account so I have gotten 2 late fees! And they have not responded to my emails!

7. I hope the snow goes away by Thursday so Zach and I can make it down to my brother's house for Thanksgiving. I really want to see my family. If not our neighbor was kind enough to invite us over in case we can't get down there.

8. I love our house, we live in the military provided housing and all of our utilities are free. That means in seriously cold weather like this, we can crank up the heat! It rocks, since I am usually FREEZING!

9. Zach has been working a ton these days, it has been pretty lonely, but thankfully I am volunteering at the high school with the wrestling team, so that's a great way to make the days go by.

10. Speaking of wrestling, it has been a lot of fun. I really enjoy it and am getting to know my fellow coaches better. I have also been doing some of the work outs and trying to lose some weight. I gotta keep up the good work so I can look good! :)

Bogie

2010-11-20T23:26:00.000-08:00

I found out tonight that our family dog, Bogie, was hit by a car and killed. My sister had taken him in as "hers" and he was living with her in Idaho. Bogie had been considered Yedda's dog, but we all knew him to be our dog. We got Bogie when he was just a baby. I can't even remember why we got him. Most likely my sisters and I had begged our parents. We already had one dog, Morgan (RIP), and plenty of other animals, but we somehow got Bogie. I remember when he first came in the house, he peed all over the floor! He saw Morgan and she scared him half to death. It took him a while to get used to her and ll of us kids, but in no time he was a part of our big family. He always had so much energy. We didn't spay or neuter our pets back then so Morgan quickly had puppies by Bogie. My other sister got her dog, Bubba, out of this litter.
Bogie was a leonberger, which is a German breed stemming out of a newfoundland. He was all black and super shaggy. He loved the water and he loved to play. I remember when he was little he could NEVER sit still! Any time you wanted to pet him he would be so excited to be pet that he wouldn't sit still enough to enjoy it. He was always like that, although as he got older he calmed down a little bit. Bogie would love to play with anything, a stick, a ball, another dog, a person. Whatever he got or had he would make a game out of it. It was just that kind of dog that he was. Never a dull moment, and he was always happy.
He will be sorely missed. Although I hadn't seen him since he moved with Yedda, he is still partly my dog. He was all of ours. We were all there throughout his puppyhood, we trained him together, and we all took turns sharing our bed with him (although eventually he chose solely Yedda.) I hope my little sister is ok, even with a broken heart. He was a great dog and we were lucky to have him.
I thought I would share with everyone the greatness of Bogie. Next time you are speeding, think of accidentally hitting someone else's dog and how that would impact their lives, and yours as well.

Rest In Peace Bogie, I will always love you. Tell Morgan hi for me. xoxoxo

His first day home with us

Such a happy water dog!

I may have a small concussion

2010-11-16T18:10:00.000-08:00

I decided yesterday (the first official day of wrestling practice) that I wanted to grapple a little with one of my fellow volunteer coaches, a guy my size, and 3 years younger than me... It only took 30 seconds for him to create a lovely little egg-sized lump on my right temple. I am so accident prone.

My family jokes about how many times I have had to go to the hospital. Practically every year since 5th grade! I have broken ankles, a leg, an elbow, gotten my head smashed in (I was 5!), multiple concussions, broken fingers and thumbs, separated shoulders, cysts, sickness, and whatever else you can think of. And these injuries would never happen during normal hours, they were always on the weekends or after 5-6pm. Oh my poor parents. So I was not in the least bit surprised when I got my head hit hard yesterday. I have had enough concussions in my sports career to know when to take it easy, so no wrestling this week for me. But I am still going to run so I can lose some of this belly fat I packed on since I got married.

It has only been 2 days and I am already starting to get a bit frustrated in the room. I don't know who reads my blog so I will not go into details but sex-politics in a male dominated environment=complicated! That is all I will say for now.

Zach has been working a lot these days... what's new. I miss him and things between us have felt kind of off lately, but I think we are just not getting any quality time together. I am taking this really interesting class on the base called COMPASS, which is an outreach class to navy spouses. It is 3 days long 4 hours a day and we learn about the traditions, benefits, etc. etc. offered to navy families. It is really interesting and I am learning a lot about this military culture I have chosen to join with my husband. I am hoping to meet a few new people, make some contacts, and learn a lot about the random things my husband comes home and talks about that I completely do not understand! Since he is planning on doing this for 20-30 more years, I should understand more than I do.

Not too sure how to tie all of this randomness together. The two subjects intertwine on Dec 3 which is the first wrestling match (at my alma mater) and the command holiday party. I may not be going to my home town that day, depends on what we decide we want to do. :( But hopefully we win one of the awesome prizes the command gives away for Christmas.

Au revoir!

and..

2010-11-08T21:41:00.000-08:00

I realized I don't put enough pictures on my blog.

this is my adorable cat lotto. :)

My wishlist

2010-11-08T21:28:00.001-08:00

So... Christmas is still like over a month away, but I am getting so excited! There are a few things I want! haha

-Flowerbomb... THE BEST PERFUME I HAVE EVER SMELLED!
-A new bedset... We seriously have a mattress on the floor right now! NO dresser or anything!
-The rest of the decor for our room! Paris pictures, a big clock, and some pretty french quote stickers.
-A job! ... I know this is something I can get myself, but someone has to give it to me! I just hope that before Christmas I get some kind of job.
-New Kitchen stuff... None of my dishes match, half my glasses are broken, and my pots and pans are worn down!
-The whole Harry Potter book set... My collective family has it, but I do not own a single one on my own :(

I think that is about it.

WHOOO I love CHRISTMAS! I cannot wait to start decorating and building our Christmas supplies. It will be our first Christmas together and I know it will be amazing!

News!

2010-11-04T16:53:00.000-07:00

Since I got to Oak Harbor, I haven't really found much to do. No job, no car, and not a whole lot of friends. So I contacted my old wrestling coach and made some contacts in the community. I have wanted to get back into a wrestling room as a coach now for a while. The opportunities for me, being a girl, are a lot less than an equally experienced male wrestler. Thankfully I did wrestle in this area all through high school and made a name for myself. Now in Washington state there is women's sanctioned wrestling. SO I contacted the local high school wrestling coach to see if there were any coaching opportunities up here for me, starting with the guys team but then hopefully creating a full-fledged women's team for the school.

He offered me a position! I am so excited!! Not only will I be helping to create and coach a girls team, but I will have the opportunity to coach the boys! Which is very rare. I finally have a hobby! Although the position is not paid, there is that possibility in the future, but either way I am excited to get back into one of my biggest passions.

I will definitely update on this part of my life as it goes along. I am so stoked!

:)

election day

2010-11-03T17:12:00.000-07:00

I already broke my silence on the political front. I haven't let myself get too involved for over a year now because I find myself extremely frustrated with the system, and my friends. No matter what you say you will always offend someone. And I am tired of hearing the bullshit. I mean I really enjoy a good political debate with someone who has educated themselves. Not only about the issue at hand, but also about issues/people/etc which relate to it. This is really hard to find. Right now I could not classify myself politically for you. I do not stand behind the democratic or republican platform completely. I would not say that I am radical in my beliefs but many might see me that way.

I believe in treating human beings equally and fairly. I believe that we are all our own person and this country stands for freedom of expression and the freedom to be who we are who we want to be. I stand behind politicians and policies which most allow myself, my friends, and my family to pursue their own life, liberty, and happiness. I stand behind Obama because he does this for ALL Americans, and not just for a wealthy few.

I am tired of hiding my political tendencies. I have lost so much faith in my country the last few months. And I am sure it will just get worse in the next few. I have NO FAITH that the Tea Party GOPs will do ANYTHING good for this country or me and mine.

My only consolation is that in the next 5-10 years I predict a huge political shift and I will hopefully be seeing new fresh faces, new ideas, and other young people who want a government which works for the people by the people.

I am mad at America today. We need to learn how to cooperate better people.

Lack of...

2010-10-28T19:10:00.000-07:00

I am not sure where I want this blog to go. I noticed that most of the blogs I diligently follow are of women who are blogging for a cause or writing as a form of therapy due to some sort of calamity. I have neither of those things going on in my blog and I am pretty sure I have about 7 people who even read this space of the internet.

I am not sure if what I want is a bunch of readers to comment,judge, and sympathize with my life or just a space to talk about things I am unable to put into words... Or do I just want this to be a space to be goofy? I feel like I started this blog to self reflect, to do some self-therapy about the experiences in my life that I haven't overcome.

Right now I am going to make it a goal to start writing in here more often, and with some sort of substance. Really, I don't know why I don't write more often, I don't really do a whole lot. I have no job, Zach works ALL THE TIME, and I generally kind of just sit around and find things to do. Sounds lame right? So why not write?

-Hillary

career?

2010-10-20T14:41:00.001-07:00

I am jobless... I have been thinking about what I really enjoy in life... And I am thinking I want to become a midwife.

crazy?

9/11... A pretty late blog I guess I didn't push publish.

2010-09-11T16:18:00.001-07:00

Today I have had chills.

9 years ago my father, two oldest siblings, and I were in NY for my brother's wedding on 9/10. We had a great trip and were scheduled to leave the city on a red-eye flight that evening.

There was a huge thunder and lightning storm which hit NY that night and caused our flight to be delayed about 6 hours. When we landed in Seattle it was 530 am. Just before the attacks on the twin towers. Many of my family, peers, and friends thought one of the flights was ours. Thankfully, it wasn't.

When I reflect on the tragedy I always wonder how those in the plane were feeling and thinking. I am sure that many were well aware that they wouldn't live through impact. I also think of the men and women in the Tower who knew they wouldn't make it. I am chilled to the bone when I think of those who took their destiny into their own hands and jumped.

What would I have done?

I am so bad at this these days

2010-09-08T20:39:00.001-07:00

But I just got some inspiration from Ree Drummond at thepioneerwoman.com

I need to nourish my blog more!

So even though I have writers block I am just going to write a really really quick, and crazy, update.

Zach and I got married!
We got a new place that is amazing!
We have cable!
I am really happy!!!!

Life as I know it

2010-08-18T16:23:00.000-07:00

I am sitting in the Oak Harbor public library typing my first entry in... maybe a month or more. The view at this library is absolutely gorgeous. I am looking out the window into the Oak Harbor harbor and Marina.

I have officially been up here for a little over 2 weeks or a little under 3 weeks. It has been pretty good so far. I really miss being close to friends. This has been hard. I feel as though over the last year I have really separated from many people but now that reality is really hitting home. I really would love for someone, anyone to come visit me. I don't really mind being bored. I have no car, no internet, no cable, no job, nothing really except a dog, a cat, a big pile of book and movies, and some running shoes. The loneliness really starts to get to me. I really want/need a job, not only for the money but also for the human interaction. I am hoping with our move to base housing in the next month that I will find and meet some new girlfriends to hang out with.

I now understand why the housewives of the past had children so early on into their marriage. IT is something to do. Not that I am looking into having children any time soon (I am not!) but it would be nice to have someone to play with other than the retarded German Sheppard we're living with.

Other than that life goes on. Zach works a lot. We watch a lot of movies, I am cooking a lot more than I used to (really awesome but I stupidly put my cookbooks into storage!), and I read a lot. I want to start running again but I just haven't had the motivation. Makes me really miss rugby and playing sports with a coach to make you do stuff. I am going to look into rec soccer teams up here. That would be really fun.

Next time I get online I will write an entry about our camping trip we went on last weekend.

A+
Hillary

just a real quick one

2010-07-20T02:02:00.000-07:00

I will update again soon!

There is so much going on in life right now but I just wanted to link anyone on here... aka... KATIE! to our wedding website.

mywedding.com/zachhillary

talk to you soon!

4th of July!

2010-06-30T23:49:00.000-07:00

I am REALLY excited for possibly the 1st (or 2nd) time in my life for the 4th of July. (ok maybe like the 4th or 5th time).

Before last year all of my 4th since like 6th grade have SUCKED. Whether it was Wrestling Camp which started at 5 am on the 5th or the lack of anything fun to do... they have generally sucked. Last year was a lot of fun, Zach and I spent 8 hours hanging out at Gasworks Park with thousands of Seattle-ites, in beautiful weather, and enjoyed a great show. It was a ton of fun. I got a bad sunburn but I couldn't have cared less!

This year is also exciting. I told Zach he could plan WHATEVER he wanted between Thurs night at 10pm and Monday night at 5pm and I would do it. So I have little idea as to what we're doing. We may go camping, we may go to a show, we may just grill out with friends and chill out, maybe do our own fireworks. It is actually really exciting not to have to plan it out. Zach loves fireworks and all this kind of stuff so I am sure that whatever we end up doing will be a blast!

I hope everyone else has an AWESOME 4th and I will be back next week!

What I do on the bus

2010-06-29T23:54:00.000-07:00

I spend a lot of time on the bus... A LOT OF TIME. Even without school I spend an unreasonable amount of time on the bus. Any day that I am working I spend about an hour a day to 3 hours traveling by bus to my two jobs. This leaves me a lot of time to spend... on the bus.

The 3 main activities I perfom

1. Sleep
2. Read
3. Think

These days I have spent a lot of time thinking... For a variety of reasons... I have to much to think about to sleep (or I drink a grande vanilla latte right before I get on the bus), also I get motion sickness really easily so I can only sometimes get away with reading for over an hour.

Tonight I was thinking about my future. My dreams and hopes, what I really want to accomplish. When I was younger and growing up in small-town conservative America, all I wanted was to go out and change the world. The world is a big place and big change can happen in small places. Now I guess I still want to change the world, but in different ways. I imagine working with kids and influencing their lives in the way my teachers inspired mine.

I dream about my future with Zach. I am actually really excited to be a military wife. Which is kind of crazy to even be coming from my mouth (written down?) I am excited to live in different places all over the country, to meet new people and make connections. I am anxious about deployments, but as much as I will miss him while he is gone, I can use some of that time to travel and do the things I want to do, like go to school and volunteer. I am excited to get in touch with a network within the military where I can start working with Autistic children and getting my "career" started. Even though I am not sure that's what I want to do for the rest of my life, I know that I want to do something with kids!

Some of the things I think about during my travels on the bus.

There's a lot going on in life.

Oy Vey!

I really suck at this apparently

2010-06-28T17:36:00.000-07:00

Blogging.

I guess while I was in school it was a part of my procrastination fascination... I.E. why I ended my quarter with 3 B's.

Anyway, I am not really sure about talking about the institution of marriage quite yet. I have to sit on that on still. In the meantime I am just going to keep talking talking talking about nothing in particular.

I drank way too much coffee this morning and have not felt very good all afternoon. After work this morning I went to have lunch with my grandma. She is so funny. She is super old and fairly lonely I think. I love talking to her because she has so many stories. She doesn't really have any inhibitions anymore, and she loves gossip, so it us really fun to get all the dirt on my family members from her. Hilarious sometimes, sad sometimes as well. Today we were talking about her siblings and parents. It is so sad to think that one day all my brothers and sisters will no longer be living. I never even knew that my Nana had 3 sisters and 1 brother. It just blew my mind. There is so much I don't know. Like about my Papa, who passed when I was pretty young. I spent over 20 years in the Coast Guard. I got to look at all of his old medals today and all of the cool souvenirs he brought back for Nana from his deployments and their trips.

Also another funny story. My grandmother is in the same assisted living home as a woman who's grand-daughter went to SU with me... We will name her.... JAN. Anyway I guess Jan started some kind of rumor about me that I was pregnant. Which her grandmother spread around the home my Nana is living in. She quickly put that rumor to rest though. Thanks Nana!

It was pretty cool to hear all her stories about the "artifacts" in her apartment. I feel sad that I didn't get to know her better. I wish that she and my mom had gotten a long better while I was a kid and we were closer. Nana is not the easiest person to put up with but she is pretty funny and knows how to appreciate a good joke.

I try to see her as much as I can but I work a lot and it is hard to find the time to get out there. I need to make and find the time though because you never know how much time you have left with someone.

Anyway, don't wanna get all soppy on ya'll... (I am practicing my Ya'lls for when Zach and I go visit his family in North Carolina!!)

Ya'll come back now ya hear!

:)

Big News!

2010-06-13T22:30:00.000-07:00

Zach asked me to marry him on Saturday! I said yes of course!

It is very surreal. And I have been very surprised and thankful for the way my family and friends have been reacting! They have been so supportive and happy. Zach even called and asked my dad's permission first, which means so much to me!

I am over the moon. So maybe my next post will be my take/critique on the institution of marriage as that seems to be where I am going right now.

Katie- I want to talk to you! I am sure you were as surprised as I was! Thank you for coming today!

MY OTHER BIG NEWS!!

Is that I graduated today!!! yay!! This isn't so surprising haha but the love and support from everyone has been overwhelming and this weekend has been insane!!!

-Hillary

All done!

2010-06-11T22:22:00.000-07:00

School is over!

I have really been neglecting my blog. This is for 2 reasons.

1. I really have been super busy

2. I want to try and start writing about something productive rather than my silly little life.

So now that I will not be writing papers I will be writing on here. I am going to try and put my academic skills to use and begin to talk about/analyze/critique things going on in the world around us. This could be anything from headline news to random things that you may or may not have heard about.

But don't worry I will still be talking enough about myself, because let's face it, I love to talk about myself, and this is my blog!

I will be reporting back in a few days with my first area of study... Not sure what it is yet... World Cup? Immigration? Animal rights? Griffey resigning? Ethics of pet owning? Any ideas? If you let me know what you wanna hear me talk about, let me know!

All the best,
Hillary

I will return to my regular time

2010-06-03T00:27:00.000-07:00

But right now life is kicking my a$$!!! More like school.. Well maybe school plus two jobs plus a full-time boyfriend (well that's only part-time to be honest... more on that later).

Anyway look forward to lots of news and posts starting next week. I have been so behind and I am sorry.

The end is in sight!

Long time gone...

2010-05-20T23:21:00.000-07:00

Man I have been gone a while. Sorry to any of you regulars.

I sure hope you missed me anyway!

Well I had the most amazing time with Zach and his parents. They thought he was coming in from deployment the day after they got into Seattle... Turns out he got in a few days before them and they had NO IDEA!! They were so surprised at the airport when he was waiting at baggage claim with some flowers for his mom. :) It was awesome.

We did so much stuff! All of the big things in Seattle: Space Needle, Pike Place, Fremont Troll, SU, Queen Anne, U-District, Mariners game, Seafood, and all around downtown! It was a blast. We also spent a day up in Oak Harbor because Zach had to work (yucky!!) but I showed his parents around the island, Deception Pass and Anacortes and whatnot. It was a lot of fun. His mom and I got along great! I felt like I had known her my entire life instead of just a few days. She was so nice and so sweet and friendly! His dad was just as awesome! Really easy to talk to and super down to earth. Like I said we had a lot of fun. One of the nights we all went out and I definitely made a fool of myself (well more than one night) but we could all have a good time making fun of me!!

We also went to the Mariners game with my parents and all had a fun time. By the end we were all very worn out from all of the running around and excitement. I was sad to see them go but hopefully we will be seeing each other again soon!

In other news I am 3 weeks away from Graduation!
Life is awesome.

If anyone knows where anyone is hiring let me know!! I'm looking for a new job.

The last 7 days

2010-05-10T13:31:00.003-07:00

have been heaven on earth. I cannot wait to graduate and actually live my whole life like that!!!

Details coming soon. :)

Also

2010-04-30T16:34:00.001-07:00

I have this new little thing at the bottom of my posts that allows you to give me feedback. USE IT!!

Birth Control: a review (a little explicit)

2010-04-30T16:23:00.000-07:00

So far in my life I have used 3 types of contraception: the pill, the ring, and condoms.

The pill was seriously detrimental to my health. Every pill I went on either caused cysts in my breasts or ovaries. I was uncomfortable and unhappy with the way I felt with so many hormones running through my body. It was hard to remember to take it every day and even though it gave me a reliable cycle, ultimately it was just not going to work out.

Condoms, while useful with multiple partners, are pretty annoying with the same partner. There are no surprises or unabashed moments. Everything is dictated by that, extremely expensive, and very uncomfortable little plastic thing. I hate condoms.

The ring. I am currently using the ring. I have noticed that while I am on the ring I have EXTREME moods. I feel out of control and I get really angry and shaken up about things. Basically I feel like the worst PMS of my life for 3 or more weeks. I am not happy with the lack of control over my ability to reason out my emotions. But the ring is really convenient because it is a once-a-month deal and it's affordable. It is also supposed to be low hormones, which is keeping me from having the health problems like I did with the pill, but the mental side of it is not maintainable.

Right now I am sticking with it, I want to try Mirena but am a little wary. I was told that it also low hormone but it goes in for 5 years and you are recommended to use it only if you've had a child. I am not sure about how it works really and I haven't had a kid...

Anyway, if any of my female readers have a suggestion, I'm all ears.

4-29-10

2010-04-29T22:45:00.000-07:00

I am so ready for April to be over.

Although it has been a month full of amazing birthdays (Zach 21, Audrey and Blair 1, Caitlin 26, Mom --) it has dragged on and on. Today I think has encapsulated how I have felt about the whole month. Although I have been really happy and upbeat, some things have just been working against me and not going well... AT ALL.

I really don't want to go too much into details, but today was not good. Well one part of it wasn't, one of my classes. But I don't feel like talking about it anymore! I don't want to get enraged...

It was and it wasn't a good day. I am happy that I didn't let one horrible event ruin my whole day. Or one action, or anything. I am still in light spirits. But, man, am I drained. So drained. My emotions have been overworked this month. My relationship with Zach has put me on this elevated 'high' where work and school don't seem to touch me. But at the same time that I am happy and my endorphins are all charged up with love emotions, I have been experiencing my most frustrating quarter at school and the worst job imaginable.

School and work have been dragging at me. Making my 'high' and my natural feelings of being happy weakened. My classes and coursework is eating at me daily, I cannot escape it even in my sleep; dreaming of missing deadlines and failing out. My job making me feel like the insignificant and incapable person that I know I am not. This month has really shown me why life is so unfair.

Speaking of being happy, I think the other reason I am experiencing this 'high' is learning to be content with myself. Maybe that is not the right wording. Contentment gives the aura of stagnation, lack of movement, and lack of change. I am not content with myself, my situation... etc. Rather I am learning how to accept the things that I am (and celebrate them) and how to accept the things that I am not (and celebrate that too, or work to change it). This learning process is emotionally draining too. I literally have so much that I am thinking about and developing within my personal life. The side of my life that I don't share with anyone really (well one person, but you will never know who). The trials and tribulations that I struggle with everyday. Which I think everyone deals with everyday.

April has been a lot of work. Work on myself, my relationships, my morals, etc. I am slowly realizing how much my life is really going to change after June 13. I am excited to move on. I really need a change. I need to get away from SU, the source of a lot of pain and happiness. I need to get away from this absolutely backwards and biased work environment, which I have to completely pretend I don't care about (not true to my nature at all!) while I am there. I need to be refreshed.

I need change. I need May to be here with all of its glory.

Until next time
Hillary

ps. I have been neglecting my 3 positive for a long time now...
-Only a few days until Zach is home
-I am almost all caught up to be able to take the week off next week
-I love friends and family

Ten Things Tuesday

2010-04-27T23:53:00.000-07:00

1. BIG THINGS ARE HAPPENING IN THE NEXT 7 DAYS!!

2. Zach comes home!!!

3. His parents are visiting!!!

4. Getting into the last 3-4 weeks of the quarter!!!!

5. I am so excited!

6. My sister came over and took a nap today because she had a headache

7. Zach turned 21 today! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE!! I love you! So excited to go out when you get home!

8. I have 5 pages left of a beastly paper to write tomorrow

9. Along with a bunch of other stuff, I will probably only do like half of it... SENIORITIS!

10. I ate ice-cream for dinner... I should go to bed now.

My lovely sister

2010-04-25T23:02:00.000-07:00

Has some really stupid-ass bitches for friends.

They make me really really mad and I want to call them out on their back-stabbing bullshit.

ARRRR

that is all.

hmmm...

2010-04-25T00:04:00.000-07:00

Today has been blissful. I really am not comfortable saying why, but it has just made me really happy.

In other news I have to write this paper about Ethiopia and Modernity. I have no idea what to write...

I need to write it by Monday because I have to return the books the essay is supposed to based on by then. Shoot!!!

I cannot stop thinking about next sunday! and then tuesday!! AHHH

Yesterday I took a step in the right direction with a very dear friend, it was hard, but it felt really good. You know who you are and you know that I love you!

Life is really good. Really. Good.

I feel good. I am more excited and hopeful than I have been in a long while.

Last night

2010-04-23T15:33:00.000-07:00

Let me clarify.

I was really upset last night. Stupidly I went through the threads on the group praying for Obama's death and it was upsetting. Of course it was.

My main point is that I wish we could all just get over these whole party lines and start getting along. This is not just with dems/reps it goes for the LGBTQII community, racial tensions, and many other strife's which divide people.

I wish even if we do disagree, we could do it in a sensible way. I wish when we argue and get upset and feel differently we could make statements which comes from a well-intentioned place, with information and evidence to back it up. I am as guilty of this as others.

I just believe in humanity and I feel like we have forgotten what this means today. It is so much easier to point fingers, disagree, and fight than it is to back down, admit defeat, strike a truce, or learn about new ideas when we are heated about a subject.

I think the reality is that we all want to be heard. We want to be appreciated for what we have to say. And if that means taking names and burning bridges, then sometimes that is what we do. Saying words like "I'm sorry" "I was wrong" "You're right" "let's agree to disagree and move on with our friendship" "why can't we just be friends" and other similar words and phrases could really go a long way in today's world.

This is something I have personally been trying to work on so much in my life because I am very guilty of writing people off because we don't agree. We all need to work on this. We all need to be more accepting.

all done

2010-04-23T01:16:00.000-07:00

I love people, even uneducated ones... there's hope yet right? I'm only 22... WAVES OF REVOLUTION ARE COMING. I can feel it. Who knows where we will go and what we will do?

Goodnight

Our President, Barack Hussein Obama

2010-04-23T00:31:00.000-07:00

This facebook group is making me sick to my stomach:
DEAR LORD, THIS YEAR YOU TOOK MY FAVORITE ACTOR, PATRICK SWAYZIE. YOU TOOK MY FAVORITE ACTRESS, FARAH FAWCETT. YOU TOOK MY FAVORITE SINGER, MICHAEL JACKSON. I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW, MY FAVORITE PRESIDENT IS BARACK OBAMA. AMEN

Like I want to vomit right now. I cannot describe the way I feel inside. This post could become seriously long and dangerous and I am not sure I really know what to say yet.

I am sure that I wished Bush's death when he was elected when I was in middle school, and again when I was in high school. But one I became more educated I realized that I didn't want Bush dead for 2 reasons. #1 is Dick Cheney becoming commander in chief. #2 is that Bush has a family just like we all do and after his term is up, his family will still be there.

I am not going to say whether or not I agree with Obama, I really don't know. I do know that I support a black president because WE NEED PROGRESS. I would be so happy to see no white, middle-aged, straight, men in office for the next 300 years. IT IS OUR TURN. I wish people would just fucking shut up and read. Stop touting the "I'm not racist, I have black friends" BULLSHIT and man up and realize what kind of statement you are making. Racism is alive and well in this country and the election of Obama makes this very clear. The racial backlash this country has seen since the election has been enormous and absolutely disgusting.

Do you think we have made progress since the CRA? Think again everyone! One black MAN is threatening the entire white power dynamics and the world(the US really) is in an uproar. This is not about health insurance, which honestly the bill is not even radical... I guess it is radical if you don't believe in human life or that being a woman is not a pre-existing condition. I don't think many of those opposing the bill believe that. This is not about socialism... ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! DOES ANYONE BELIEVE WHAT SOCIALISM IS? Did you know that OBAMA'S bailout is saving us from going deeper into the recession? CAN YOU PLEASE TAKE AN ECONOMICS CLASS?

CAN YOU PLEASE TAKE A POLI-SCI CLASS? A GENDER CLASS? A US HISTORY CLASS? HOW ABOUT JUST PICKING UP A BOOK? WHY CAN'T WE EDUCATE OURSELVES.

Sorry for the caps. I really truly understand differing opinions. REALLY I DO. I do not understand uneducated ones. We truly need to understand the racial dynamics in this country before we can even begin to talk about Obama. We need to understand the majority opinion before we begin to listen to the Tea Party Movement. We need to understand how women in this country feel before we can even look at Sarah Palin. We as a country need to quit dividing and instead come together and agree on something.

This makes me so mad, I want to be physically ill. I am not a professed "liberal/socialist/democrat/Obama person". I don't really believe in polarization at all anymore, that has been what is damaging our country. We are going way overboard with all this politics bullshit. I don't know what I am but what I do know is that NO GOD THAT I WOULD EVER BELIEVE IN should be asked to take this man's life. He has a family, he has a wonderful, amazingly strong, wife, he has two gorgeous little daughters. They, along with this nation, need him. There are millions of people who need him. And I am not about to write him off because he is a 'socialist' because that is bullshit.

I know now that I would not wish death on Bush like I used to. I wish others could feel the same way about Obama.

The fact that our nation has come to this and that so many of my fellow citizens are THIS UNEDUCATED makes me extremely sad. This is such a deep dark hole, I wish we could see our way out, but groups like this one, like the tea party movement, people like Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin, are preventing us from moving forward as a nation and are instead taking us back into prehistoric times.

Maybe I will become the first female president.

To my fellow patriots
with love
Hillary

A picture to go with the last post

2010-04-22T21:51:00.000-07:00

This is from our first date :)
1-2-09

Anchors and sailors

2010-04-22T21:48:00.000-07:00

I am so freaking excited for Zach to get home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He showed me a gift he bought for me...

See I have been wanting to get an anchor necklace and or earrings for a little while now. This whole nautical theme is totally my new thing. It comes from my boyfriend being in the navy (even though he's not on a boat) and a blog I saw which just made me think about anchors even more.

So Zach showed me this absolutely gorgeous necklace he got me! It is a perfect anchor. I love it!!!!!! I cannot wait to wear it, every day!

Only 2 weeks to go! one 15 page paper, one 4 page paper, and two midterms! Hopefully time goes by quickly.

yayaya!

A super late TTT

2010-04-21T23:29:00.001-07:00

Thanks Natalie!! I forgot too! I usually use your blog as a reminder to my to do my Ten Things Tuesday!! You are not alone on your ten things wednesday!

1. IN EXACTLY 14 DAYS I WILL BE SEEING ZACH AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

2. Can you tell I am excited?!

3. I have not met anyone from his family or from his home state, ever, and BOTH OF HIS PARENTS ARE COMING UP WHEN HE GETS HERE! I am so excited/nervous. They will be flying in the night before Zach gets here so I will be in charge of picking them up and entertaining them until his plane lands!

4. It is the end of week 4 in the quarter, oh my gosh I am getting so excited to graduate... SO EXCITED

5. I have a lot to look forward to these days.

6. My other job starts up the second week of may!! this is also really exciting because I really need the money but also I miss my little kiddos I work with and their family!

7. I think I aced my econ test yesterday, we shall see but I feel good about it.

8. My restaurant job is making me really anxious, it causes me more stress than it should. I think I am being discriminated against. This is a long story but it is definitely frustrating and makes me want to walk out, but I need to money too badly.

9. I had a blast babysitting my nieces this last weekend. I love them so much!

10. Life is seriously exciting, I cannot wait until Zach gets back, I have been lonely and cannot wait to begin our many summer plans!!!

This one time, I broke my leg.

2010-04-18T01:02:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about this one time I broke my leg today for some reason. Probably because I am so delirious from lack of sleep that my mind was thinking about stuff that really doesn't matter. Like the time I broke my leg.

I was a freshman or sophomore (not too sure) in High School. My freshman year (I think it was in the same year.) I was unable to wrestle because I broke my elbow halfway through the season. I hyper-extended it, which my teammates will tell you means I should be able to use it, but seriously it was broken. That's a different story.

Whenever this was it was after the regular season of wrestling had ended. I wanted to get better so I went to freestyle practices. We had a guest coach this one night, he is a legend around these parts... let's see if I can remember his name. Well anyway, being a girl, coaches who don't know me, usually just write me off. (who am I kidding, my own coaches did that too). So at this practice this is exactly what he did. Instead of allowing me to wrestle with someone my own size, he had me pair up with a 181 pounder. I think the guys name was Mustafa or something and he didn't know what he was doing.

We started wrestling, Kirk (I'm pretty sure that was his name) had us doing a take-down that involved wrapping your leg around your opponents and falling in a way that makes your opponent go down. That is a really bad explanation, but you can probably see how this could go horribly wrong.

Being a young female who really loves to impress I was really trying hard to impress this coach and show him what I was made of. Mustafa did the move on me and the most ridiculous pain I have ever experienced happened to the leg he was 'attacking'. I was screaming and crying and in shock. I could not even comprehend the pain I was feeling. The coach had all the guys in the room get up and start running, and he continued practice while I laid there screaming in pain. Finally, after what felt like eternity, my regular coach walked over and asked me what was wrong and i told him it was something wrong with my leg. He didn't believe that it was broken so...

HE MADE ME GET UP AND "WALK IT OFF"!

of course that didn't work. I couldn't put any weight on it, it was painful even to move when carried to the bench. It hurt. The other coach continued practice and never came and asked me if I was ok or what happened. The ass. Of course to everyone there I was just living up to the expectation of being a stupid, whiny, and incoherent little girl in a man's sport. I think that hurt more than the leg pain.

I sat out the rest of the practice, my sister picked me up and drove me home to see my dad. I have never cried so much in my life, the entire ride home, any bump or lurch sent me into so much pain I could not bear it. I wanted to pass out.

We got home to my dad who wanted to see if I needed emergency attention. Which I did. I stayed in the car, he came out to see me, saw how upset I was, then drove me back into town to the emergency room.

After x-rays and some wonderful pain meds the doctor said that I had indeed broken my leg. I had a fracture in my tibia (? maybe it was my fibula). Whichever one doesn't bear weight when you walk. Which he said either was it would be painful when I walked because it is used for balancing. Something like that.

The next morning I called my coach who told me to "walk it off" that it was really broken. His response was satisfying enough that I no longer felt like an idiotic little girl.

To this day I have a lot of pride that I actually did try to "walk off" a broken leg.

I was a tough chick. Still am, but not as insane as to try to walk shit off. Now when I am hurt I just give-in and see a Dr. right away.

Hope you enjoyed my story. I will hopefully be telling some more again soon!

the coach on your right is the one who told me to "walk it off" and on the left is my other coach who was there that night. He made me really proud because he said "I knew it was something serious, as soon as you started freaking out and screaming and crying I did, because you never act like that and if you reacted in that way then it had to be serious." Thanks Ron! I still think about that all the time.

To give credit where credit is due

2010-04-16T22:42:00.000-07:00

I am babysitting my nieces all weekend.

I am giving my friend, and rugby teammate, Taylor the credit she deserves for helping me today and walking the girls around town while I had a work meeting! THANKS TAYLOR!!!

The other credit is to my sister and mom who take care of the girls full-time. It is exhausting! Hopefully I don't have twins! These two are enough for me! :)

The fish... Carolina

2010-04-14T14:39:00.000-07:00

So my neighbors moved out and asked me to hold on to their Beta for a day until they could come pick him up... Needless to say, they never did.

I don't think I really mind. I mean, it's not like a Beta is a whole lot of work. They can live in a cup, eat every 4 days if needed, and they don't really make much of a mess.

The tank this beauty came in was so green and gross and cloudy that I couldn't even tell what color he was when he came into my possession. He is blue. Kind of the 'ordinary' (although I think all Beta's are very beautiful) blue Beta that you see all the time at stores like PetSmart. So when I discovered this, after cleaning said nasty tank, I figured I could name the fish for Zach.

When Zach and I adopted our cat, Lotto, he wanted to name him "Carolina" because, if you do not know Zach, he is obsessed with his home state, North Carolina. He has a UNC tattoo on his arm. He has a lot of pride. Which is fine. I totally respect that and his passion about the South and his home is one of the things I really love about him. But I could not imagine calling a cat, Carolina. Especially since the cat came with the name "Lovey" (which says NOTHING about his personality!). So I said no to the name and we agreed on Lotto. (Zach said it was like we won the Lotto when we found the cat... I dunno how much I agree with that, as much as I love my cat)

Anyway, when I saw the fish was blue, and some parts of it are Carolina Blue, Tarheel blue, whatever its name may be... I couldn't resist. So the fish is named Carolina. I never say Carolina's name, because I do not talk to fish, nor do fish respond to their names. But still, I thought it was a nice gesture.

I just put Carolina into a big vase, much better than the nasty tank he came in, which despite cleaning multiple times, never got very clean. And now I think he is considering trying to jump out of the vase. I hope he doesn't. I don't think even if he tries that he can.

Ten Things Tuesday

2010-04-13T19:06:00.000-07:00

1. Zach called me an hour ago, I told him I would be home in an hour to skype. It's been an hour, he's not online and I have no other way to get a hold of him. I am pretty close to tears right now.

2. He is going to be home in 3 weeks!!!

3. I think I finally adjusted to this crazy school scheduled. This is the first time since the quarter started that I don't have a migraine after school.

4. Glee is on in an hour!!!!

5. I am going to go get a dicks burger, fries, and a milkshake. Indulgence!

6. I seriously need to clean my house, like really really bad.

7. I will do it after Glee

8. I am watching the girls all weekend and am stoked

9. They turned ONE yesterday!!! So insane!!!

10. It needs to be June 13. I wanna be dooonnnee

An update

2010-04-11T23:38:00.000-07:00

I haven't much felt like writing but there's been so much going on in my head! I have started this series, which I have read before and LOOOOVVVEEE, it's called the Game of Thrones by George Martin. If you are in any way interested in Fantasy I would read them. Or if you are like on the edge about fantasy READ THEM! I literally cannot put them down. Within the first 3 chapters you are hooked. Great stuff. The series is only 4 books (at the moment, the last one should be coming out any time now) so it's fairly quick.

I won't do a book review or anything because that is not my forte. I usually end up summarizing EVERYTHING. So just go read it yourself if you need a distraction.

I need(ed) a distraction. Life is just crazy these days. I am taking 20 credits which is like killing me. I am in class from 10am to 8pm on tues/thurs. This may not seem like a lot, trust me it is more than enough. I have about 200 pages of reading to do between tues/thurs along with whatever papers and other junk my professors throw at me. I shouldn't complain too much. The classes are all totally awesome. I am taking African History: 1800-present, Race, Gender, and Sexuality, International Political Economy, and Intro to Computers. They are super interesting, but also extremely challenging. None of the professors are "easy". They all grade hard and expect a lot, even in my computers class! I feel like this quarter will test my academic stamina. Especially since I am in an epic battle with Senioritis.

Now apparently many of my classmates are not afflicted in the same way that I am. I think for me I am just so ready to move on with my life. To have time for myself, to pursue other areas of interest which have been put on the side-burner since going to school full-time and working 2 jobs. I cannot wait to be able to work the day shift and no weekends. To live normally, whatever that is supposed to mean. Whenever I thin about how my life will be post-June I feel like a yuppie. I DONT CARE THOUGH! I just wanna move on and invest time and effort into other areas of my life.

Like my relationships. With my boyfriend, my family, and many of my friends. That will be nice. To actually be able to hang out with people again. This is why I have senioritis so bad!

LIfe is crazy. the time I do find to be able to cuddle up into my bed with an awesome book (The Game of Thrones...) is usually taken up before I have a chance to even imagine it. Clean the house, run errands, see friends, babysit, do this do that. I just want some time to relax. Without school or work hanging over my head... only 8 more weeks to go. I CAN DO THIS. I keep telling myself that.

I cannot believe I will be a college grad. I am so excited. Just to celebrate such a monumental achievement with the people I love and who support me will be awesome.

Hope everyone had a great weekend. I am going to finish up some reading and then stay up way later than I should reading my new favorite procrastinating tool... A GAME OF THRONES.

Until next time!!!

Forgive me for posting this and being super nostalgic

2010-04-09T15:13:00.000-07:00

“She Was A Statue of Liberty”

Draped in green
Separate in the crowed
Halls of the universe

Out of key yet
Assertive in her walk
And tone of voice

Before adolescence
Made her an activist
Or opened her eyes
To the world beyond the crowded
Halls of the universe

Endless circles
Walking in step to the
Rhythm of voices
Heard only in the heads
Of two wandering vagabonds

El Scorcho was uttered so that
Only four ears could hear
Footsteps echo forever

On the filthy beaten path
Which suddenly changed to
Trials in the woods

Four eyes open
Silently watching
Make-believe lives
Outside the crowed
Halls of the universe

Endless hours
Spent without speaking
A silent understanding
Heard only in the heads
Of two wandering vagabonds
Draped now in colors
A lens still kept viewing
Yet never objective

A life without order
Filled with straight-ruler lines
Dissecting lives

Two vagabonds met
In the crowded halls of the universe
We walk among unspoken pathways
Yet I have to think
She is a vagabond no more.

I don't know if the author wants credit! haha but if you do let me know when you read this.

This made me happy and nostalgic. I also understand it so much more now that I did when you read it in class. Although I am curious to know what you meant by "she is a vagabond no more"

Anyway. This is a very epic interpretation of junior high/high school done by one of my nearest and dearest of amies!

Indulgence

2010-04-04T22:22:00.001-07:00

I rarely indulge myself by taking a day off of work.

Today I did. I totally indulged myself by going 'home' and eating tons of easter food.

Today I indulged myself by absolutely SPOILING my (almost) one year old nieces and trading shifts to spend the day with family.

Then I came home, now I am watching the celebrity apprentice which is doing a challenge on Harry Potter. Thank you for indulging me TV.

After this I will spend about 3 or 4 hours reading a few (rather non-scholastic) books I picked up at home and blissfully go to sleep. I will be so ready for the Hell that will be this upcoming week.

Monday will be solely devoted to reading for classes and work!

yeeehaw!

until next time, HAPPY EASTER

Life

2010-03-31T23:52:00.001-07:00

Now that I am finally getting along with my boss I am really enjoying work. It is nice. I am a dishwasher, which inherently sucks, but I am used to it now so it doesn't bug me anymore. But like I said I am getting along with my boss so now work isn't such a drag.

In other news my courses are intense. I have to read so much! But I will prevail!

My cat is currently going insane throughout the house. It is entertaining.

I just felt like giving a quick random update!

Oh also I went to the dentist this morning and my jaw hurts.

Goodnight!

Ten Things Tuesday

2010-03-30T23:20:00.000-07:00

1. I am really enjoying playing soccer. :)

2. Too bad my team lost 2-1. But it was still fun.

3. I have a headache.

4. I was in class for 8 hours today. I think I made a mistake when i overloaded and put all of them on the same day. I am exhausted and have so much reading to do.

5. I cannot afford ANY of my textbooks. I can only buy 1, with some help. Not sure where the help is coming from.

6. I am missing Zach, what's new?

7. I am really tired, in fact I think I will make history and go to bed in like 10 min.

8. I have a dentist appointment tomorrow... :( my jaw always hurts so bad after those shots.

9. I cannot wait until Friday, I have the whole day off and I am going to spend it with mi familia a mi casa. well my parents house, the dog park, and more. It will be nice.

10. I cannot believe how fast time passes. I will have to keep reminding myself of this in this last (horrendously difficult) quarter. It is a challenge for sure. I just have to remember how fast the last 4 years have gone. And not be as excited as I am for the summer and what that means!!!!!

Until next time!

trying not to be a downer...

2010-03-29T00:17:00.000-07:00

but I am just really sad. I am sad because no one around me seems to understand what I am feeling these days. I am sad because my best friend has no computer and no phone and I never know when I will get my next phone call. I am sad because I have so many things that I want to tell him day to day and by the time he calls I have forgotten over half of them. I am sad for so many more reasons.

This is weird. I did this once before. I was the one who left and lived in another country for 4 months. I was not with Z then, but it wasn't this hard before. Maybe because I was the one in the new place and it was easier to distract myself? I really missed my family then, but I didn't miss the guy I was with this much. Maybe it is because I have daily reminders of all the things that are normal to me from the last year with Z around, but now he's not. Or maybe it's that I love Z :) and he is the best relationship I have ever had? His car is in the driveway, but he's not in the house. I cook for two and have sooo many left overs. Sunday afternoons/evenings are not spent watching sports and making a deluxe meal to enjoy. Saturday nights aren't spent recuperating from a game while nursing a coors light, cuddling on the couch, and watching an action movie. I no longer rush to get home because I know there isn't someone waiting for me so that we can do something together. No exciting Silvertips games... The mariners season is about to start and the one person I want to go to the games with is not here!

It is so frustrating the 'normal' we have created over the last year (and then some) is just completely interrupted. Instead of feeling really lonely on Sunday nights when Z has gone back to base for the week, or on Wednesday when I know Friday is so so close, the loneliness hits when I least expect it. When I have something really funny I want to tell him but have no way to. When I can't sleep at night. When I wake up on Sat mornings. When I see movies in the Redbox that I would only watch because he would want to (even though I don't like his style of movie). When I am wishing there were someone to help me do the dishes. When the cat does something really hilarious. There are so many little instances that I couldn't express.

I think what's worse is that no one around me really seems to understand. They say "well he's not gone that long" or "at least he's not in Iraq, he's not in danger". I love my friends and the people surrounding me but again, they just don't understand. He is still in a place representing the US NAVY. he is not just a tourist. He is a target. Not like he's getting shot at but he is still there to do a job. It isn't vacation. And I am stuck here in lonely Seattle wishing he were just two hours away doing that job instead. I feel like a needy and clingy gf to the people that I talk to about missing him. I guess I am in many ways. But I don't want to be perceived that way!

I sound like someone died. I just have ridiculous separation anxiety. It wasn't so bad when we could talk daily, but now that has sadly ended. I know this will make me value Z so much more and realize what I was missing while he was gone. In some ways I just feel cheated. Before he left we were already doing long distance and that was already hard enough. Whine whine whine. Really I am sorry you have to deal with this. I just need an outlet. I don't expect anyone to understand but I needed to write about how much I miss him. I can't tell him myself so I will just tell whoever happens to read this blog.

Having a loved one in the military is really hard. Really hard. The government not only runs their life, but somehow ends up running your life as well.

anyway. I miss Zach and I cannot wait for him to get home.

I guess I can do 3 postives...

1. I love these pictures.
2. I am really enjoying work which is a great change...
3. Tomorrow is the start of my last first day of my undergrad. yay!

Lodi

2010-03-26T01:52:00.000-07:00

About two years ago I was in the relationship of my dreams (NOT!) and my mate and I decided that it was time to get a cat. Actually I decided this* because I thought my dog was lonely and needed a companion**. A cat was logical to me since they take 1/16 of the work of a dog and 1/16 of the cost! So I went craigslisting for a kitty to call my own.

(side note* I have always been a huge animal lover but when you are a poor college student... animals have a way of preventing you from eating.)
(sidenote** a cat is not a great choice as a companion for a 9 month old Rottweiler that has huge hunting instincts...)

That is when this loving ball of fur came into my life.

Lodi was a painfully shy cat. When I first adopted him he had come from a male-only household. His story was fairly tragic. His mother was ran over by a car when he was just 2 weeks old. His previous owner found him and nursed him with his pinky until he was old enough to suck from a bottle. Then the two of them lived a very happy life together as the very best of friends. When Lodi was 4 his dad found a nice lady and got married. The problems began as Lodi single-handedly tried to sabotage their marriage. Leaping off of any surface to attack this woman to the point where she carried a squirt bottle with her everywhere as a ward against the devil-cat.

This is when I came into the picture, taking the male-only cat into my household of stupid-scary-asshole ex-boyfriend, and my very sweet and adorable BABY (ran my life) puppy, Titus, and me. Lodi did not like this transition, especially in a 450 sq ft apartment!

This is how it started, hiding in corners. Eventually though Lodi began to become more social and even started curling under the covers with me every night. Soon stupid-ugly-asshole-ex and I broke up and I moved out, taking both of MY animals (thank you) with me. At my new place Lodi became even more social as I had more and more people around him. He was kind of a tard but I loved him oh so much. He was a tender little cat. I actually can't even remember bad things about him. He would inconspicuously curl up into my lap as I was watching tv, reading, or using the computer as if i wouldn't notice him. These were the times he would want to be petted, he was totally fine for a day or even two and then would just need to feel your pats. He got comfortable enough that he would love to put his wet nose on my face while I was sleeping to wake me up so I would pet him. He was a sweetheart. My first cat, and I really loved him. Then I left him with a friend while I was moving and he jumped out the first floor window and has never been seen again. I miss my gentle little Lodi and I think of him all the time.

The dog and Lodi eventually struck up a peace agreement, while everywhere in the house was far game for cat chasing, there was ALWAYS peace in my bedroom and each had their own spot either at my feet (dog) or between my legs (cat) it was cute.

RIP Lodi...

This just made me tear up a little :(

Part two is upcoming... "Lotto"

Please Indulge Me

2010-03-25T14:48:00.000-07:00

I have this slight obsession for weddings and babies. It is not slight. It is full-blown. I LOVE looking at pictures of weddings and babies. I am excited for my own but I don't really obsess about mine lol just others, which I guess is a good sign!

Anyway I found this designer and OMG please love these dresses as much as I do.

These dresses are all from Maggie Sottero's 2010 collection... oh yum

Colette
Colette - by Maggie Sottero

Chardonnay
Chardonnay - by Maggie Sottero

Brittney
Brittney - by Maggie Sottero

Natalie
Natalie - by Maggie Sottero

just a slight obsession!

My personal Fav is Brittney. GORGEOUS!